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“I love you, but I hate you.” What to do when you can’t stand your long-term partner

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It’s often said that there is a nice line between love and hate, but is it okay to sometimes hate your long-term partner? If you ask actress Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s practically needed.

When asked concerning the secret of her 40-year marriage to actor Christopher Guest, she recently replied that the important thing to success is patience, perseverance and “a really big dose of hate.”

“Suddenly you literally want to hate each other. And the next day it’s a nice, sunny day and the dog does something cute or your kid does something cute and you look at each other and go, ‘Oh my gosh,'” Curtis told “Entertainment Tonight” after accepting an Emmy for his role in “The Bear.” “And you’re on a different track.”

Relationship experts say it’s normal for couples to experience moments that feel like real hate. The difference between couples who survive and those that don’t is how they cope with their emotions in these moments.

“Hating the person you love is the most common thing in the world,” said Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and writer of Am I Lying to Myself? How to overcome denial and see the reality. “We think we should love our partner all the time, unconditionally, but that’s not the case.”

Yes, you should “get rid of the little things”

Stereotypical annoyances like leaving the bathroom seat open or shoes littering the ground add up if left unaddressed, says Terri Orbuch, a professor of sociology at Oakland University and writer of “Five Simple Steps to Taking Your Marriage from Good to Great.”

To prevent pet anger from turning into an even bigger problem, it is vital to “worry about the little things,” said Orbuch, whose research has followed a whole lot of couples over 36 years.

“What starts as a small, irritating habit becomes, ‘You’re not listening to me. You don’t love me. Maybe we’re not compatible and I hate you,” she said.

But criticizing the issue within the moment is not the perfect approach, Orbuch said. Find time and situation to discuss it: away from the children, not right after work, right before you leave for the day, or when you’re drained in bed.

Be specific

Orbuch really useful starting the discussion with the positives after which using what she called an XYZ statement. For example, give examples that show that you know that is an overall great partner, equivalent to being an important friend or being good to your mother. Then do the next: When I do X (throw clothes on the ground) in Y situation (as an alternative of the trash can), I feel Z (frustrated).

Then ask, “Can we talk about this?”

Highlighting a selected behavior will help your spouse or partner deal with the issue higher than if you blame her or him for a personality flaw, equivalent to, “You’re a terrible slob.”

“We lock the person up where they don’t know what to say or what to change to alleviate the frustration,” Orbuch said.

When you can, highlight loving moments

Greer said an important way to quickly dissipate hateful moments is to construct a reservoir of positive emotions. Pay attention not only to the points of your partner that you adore, but also to why they make you feel good.

For example, if your partner gives you flowers, as an alternative of just thanking him, tell him how you felt when you received them. Saying you appreciate the flowers since it showed they listened to something you needed helps reinforce those positive emotions, she added.

“When you feel love, it’s important to name it,” Greer said. “It’s important to say, ‘You know what, I’m having a moment where I can love you.'”

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This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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Meghan Markle shares why she “can’t wait” for the holidays

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Meghan Markle, Prince Harry, the holidays, Archewell Foundation, Mina

Meghan Markle loves the holidays.

The Duchess of Sussex said this in a recent interview Marie Clairethrough which she told how she and her young family, including Prince Harry, spend every holiday.

Firstly, the 43-year-old mother of two is thrilled to share her joy together with her two children, Prince Arcihe, 5, and Princess Lilibet, 3.

“At first, I think as a mom with kids, you’re just happy that they’re there for you, but they don’t understand everything that’s going on yet,” she said. “But now we’re at an age where I look forward to seeing it through their lens every year.”

Meghan and her family’s holidays begin with what she called a “pretty low-key” Thanksgiving celebration.

“Over the last few years, as I’ve celebrated Thanksgiving here, like many of us, I’ve thought about always making sure there’s room at the table for friends who don’t have family, and that’s really key,” she said.

In her case, that meant welcoming people like Gloria Steinem to previous celebrations. But for the Sussexes, a low-key Thanksgiving also involves spending time with Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, who lives near their home in California.

“Being close to my mom is great,” she said.

She added that her family often makes sure they’ve “something fun to do.”

“Like any other family, you spend time having a great meal and then what do you do? Play games and stuff like that, someone brings a guitar – it’s fun,” she continued. “Every vacation is a new adventure.”

Meghan also added how vital it’s for her children to experience the “magic” of the holiday season, including “wonderful recipes that end up being formative memories.” Currently, this includes leaving carrots for Santa’s reindeer on Christmas Eve.

The Duchess met with Marie Claire at a Christmas dinner for Afghan women who recently moved to California through… Mina’s Lista corporation that helps Afghan women evacuate Afghanistan and find resources and support. Women also receive support through Welcome project of the Archewell Foundationwhich Meghan and Prince Harry launched in 2023 to extend support for women who resettled in the US from Afghanistan, People Magazine reported. There are currently 11 Welcome Project chapters in nine states.

Meghan Markle is investing in a new line of hair supplements owned by black women

The dinner was held at a modern kitchenware company owned by women and immigrants Our place and included good food, energetic conversation, and even poetry.

“From my viewpoint, one in all the reasons we desired to make certain we had the opportunity to be together again – so a lot of us – straight away is because as the holidays approach, and in some ways they’ve already began, it brings to evoke a lot emotion in people,” Meghan said during her dinner remarks.

“You miss home, you miss your country, and you can also find solace in the new community you have here,” she continued. “I’m grateful that we get to be a part of this community.”

This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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Elaine Welteroth and Jonathan Singletary welcomed their second child

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Elaine Welteroth, Jonathan Singletary, Elaine Welteroth has baby, Black famous mothers, Black mothers, Black maternal health, birthFUND, theGrio.com

Elaine Welteroth has a brand recent bundle of joy!

The 37-year-old media personality and founding father of birthFUND welcomed her second child, a son named SantiGold, together with her husband, musician Jonathan Singletary, in early November.

While Welteroth said People Magazine that she and her growing family are “healthy and happy” – she admitted that she has been affected by sleep problems since welcoming the most recent member of the family.

“I’m not sure my brain is working at full speed,” she told the web site. “I’m sleep-deprived, but I’m fine, I’m fine.”

Recalling the precise day she went into labor, she stated that she just knew it was the day.

“His birth was largely orchestrated by God,” she explained. “I just instinctively said, ‘I’m going to send my kid to school, and when he comes home, he’ll have a little brother.'”

In addition to her general spidey senses, Welteroth had an impulse to be outdoors, so she went to the park.

“The moment I sat down on the grass, I felt the first contraction,” she said. “I assumed, ‘Let’s go, honey.’ “It’s happening.”

Still, there was no immediate sense of urgency for the young mother of two, even stopping to do some Reiki within the park together with her midwife. Shortly thereafter, she returned home for what she described because the “most beautiful” and “peaceful” home birth. SantiGold’s peaceful delivery could also be a part of the inspiration behind his name, which she said means “peace” in Thai.

“I think you’re more confident in the process the second time around,” she noted, adding, “You can trust the method more. The baby was born inside three hours, I could not consider it.

Welteroth, who welcomed her first child, a boy, together with her husband in April 2022, has long touted her second pregnancy as a “redemptive pregnancy.” Its first stage was marked by complications and anxiety. Halfway through, after learning concerning the full scope of the Black mother’s health crisis, she began working with a midwife and decided to have a house birth. She also learned what number of families couldn’t afford the life-saving care of midwives and doulas, which led her to launch the FUND birth fund earlier this yr.

Elaine Welteroth shares her pain story in Advil's 'Believe My Pain' campaign

It was through the organization’s official opening that she learned she was pregnant together with her second child, announcing the primary group of beneficiaries. Now her organization is preparing to reward 41 more families.

“I started with the mantra: ‘We are the ones who have to save ourselves,’” she said. “I’m just very, very proud of our team and that we can help women and families, especially in this moment when we see how the system is failing families. I am truly encouraged and hopeful.”

This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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The ultimate Black-owned gift guide for Divine 9 members

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When it involves honoring the wealthy legacy of the Divine Nine, selecting the proper gift is about greater than just aesthetics – it’s about celebrating the history, culture and unwavering bonds of Black Greek letter organizations. Whether it’s Founders’ Day, inheritance ceremonyor just to point out like to a valued senior or fraternity brother, a meaningful gift reflects the pride, strength and purpose these organizations embody.

From stylish accessories to memorabilia that captures the essence of those organizations, these Black-owned brands can assist you to honor the spirit of service and sisterhood – or brotherhood – that outline the Divine Nine experience.

Truth 2 Code

(Photo: True 2 The Code)

Truth 2 Code offers a variety of fashionable accessories for members of the Divine Nine. Adding street style to classic Greek pieces, the True 2 Greek collection allows members to point out off their letters and private style.

Estelle coloured glass

(Photo: Estelle Colored Glass)

Although they might not be sold as a Greek seller, Estelle coloured glass prepares amazing gifts for members of Greek literary organizations. With a wide selection of coloured glassware designs, consider giving your favorite soror or fraternity brother a set of glasses of their organization’s colours.

(*9*)

DVN

(Photo: DVN)

DVN is a Greek clothing brand that hopes to redefine traditional Greek accessories by offering designs that completely fit people’s on a regular basis style. Founded by Danielle Render, a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., DVN combines progressive design and meticulous craftsmanship to create jackets, necklaces and custom pieces that allow all D9 members to “represent their affiliations with confidence and authenticity.”

Vontélle Divine glasses collection

(Photo: Vontélle)

Designed for us, Vontélle is a Black woman-owned eyewear brand offering optical frames and sunglasses that complement Black facial expression. Vontélle “Divine” Collection combines the brand’s mission to create better-fitting, vibrant, fashion-forward styles with colours and patterns inspired by historically black sororities and sororities.

Betty Plus promotion

For over 30 years Betty Plus promotion, Black, a family business, is a one-stop shop for Greek accessories, clothing and custom embroidery. Offering deals for every Divine 9 organization, Betty’s Promo Plus offers collections of transition gifts, holiday gifts and more.

Fashionably Greek

(Photo: Fashionably Greek)

Fashionably Greek provides a various range of trendy and customizable clothing options, offering clothes and niknaks for all D9 sororities and choose fraternities (Kappa Alpha Psi and Omega Psi Phi). Its products are perfect for any occasion, from homecoming to social events and even to the office.

University nativity scene

University nativity scene is certainly one of the biggest Greek accessories stores. This Black family-owned business offers a big selection of merchandise for each D9 and non-D9 Black Greek organizations. Customers can shop online or visit a store near Tennessee State University in person.

Macy’s Divine Nine Fraternity and Sorority Collections

(Photo courtesy of Macy’s)

Macy’s Divine Nine Brotherhood collection AND Kasper Sorority Collection pay tribute to the National Pan-Hellenic Council (NPHC) organizations by offering men’s and girls’s clothing that highlights the distinct colours of every organization. These business-style garments are perfect for members to subtly have fun their affiliation at work events and/or branch meetings.

Black-owned brands will be able to shop from Oprah's 2024 favorites list

This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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