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“I love you, but I hate you.” What to do when you can’t stand your long-term partner

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It’s often said that there is a nice line between love and hate, but is it okay to sometimes hate your long-term partner? If you ask actress Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s practically needed.

When asked concerning the secret of her 40-year marriage to actor Christopher Guest, she recently replied that the important thing to success is patience, perseverance and “a really big dose of hate.”

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“Suddenly you literally want to hate each other. And the next day it’s a nice, sunny day and the dog does something cute or your kid does something cute and you look at each other and go, ‘Oh my gosh,’” Curtis told “Entertainment Tonight” after accepting an Emmy for his role in “The Bear.” “And you’re on a different track.”

Relationship experts say it’s normal for couples to experience moments that feel like real hate. The difference between couples who survive and those that don’t is how they cope with their emotions in these moments.

“Hating the person you love is the most common thing in the world,” said Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and writer of Am I Lying to Myself? How to overcome denial and see the reality. “We think we should love our partner all the time, unconditionally, but that’s not the case.”

Yes, you should “get rid of the little things”

Stereotypical annoyances like leaving the bathroom seat open or shoes littering the ground add up if left unaddressed, says Terri Orbuch, a professor of sociology at Oakland University and writer of “Five Simple Steps to Taking Your Marriage from Good to Great.”

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To prevent pet anger from turning into an even bigger problem, it is vital to “worry about the little things,” said Orbuch, whose research has followed a whole lot of couples over 36 years.

“What starts as a small, irritating habit becomes, ‘You’re not listening to me. You don’t love me. Maybe we’re not compatible and I hate you,” she said.

But criticizing the issue within the moment is not the perfect approach, Orbuch said. Find time and situation to discuss it: away from the children, not right after work, right before you leave for the day, or when you’re drained in bed.

Be specific

Orbuch really useful starting the discussion with the positives after which using what she called an XYZ statement. For example, give examples that show that you know that is an overall great partner, equivalent to being an important friend or being good to your mother. Then do the next: When I do X (throw clothes on the ground) in Y situation (as an alternative of the trash can), I feel Z (frustrated).

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Then ask, “Can we talk about this?”

Highlighting a selected behavior will help your spouse or partner deal with the issue higher than if you blame her or him for a personality flaw, equivalent to, “You’re a terrible slob.”

“We lock the person up where they don’t know what to say or what to change to alleviate the frustration,” Orbuch said.

When you can, highlight loving moments

Greer said an important way to quickly dissipate hateful moments is to construct a reservoir of positive emotions. Pay attention not only to the points of your partner that you adore, but also to why they make you feel good.

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For example, if your partner gives you flowers, as an alternative of just thanking him, tell him how you felt when you received them. Saying you appreciate the flowers since it showed they listened to something you needed helps reinforce those positive emotions, she added.

“When you feel love, it’s important to name it,” Greer said. “It’s important to say, ‘You know what, I’m having a moment where I can love you.’”

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This article was originally published on : thegrio.com

Lifestyle

“Gingers to black”

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Ginger, Black people, tiktok


The hot approach to Tiktok has evolved into expressing solidarity between black people and red -haired white people, commonly referred to as gums on social media. While on the surface of solidarity it seems a bit strange, unity is due to the common experience of oppression due to physical characteristics over which no group controls.

According to the creator of Tiktoku, he stated that “everyone who is ginger who has red hair; these are black people. All tenants are black people. If they have red hair, they are black,” the thought quickly swept in social media, in an identical way to discourse that every one women are burned.

Shamar Dickens, a 33-year-old black artist from Atlanta, said he has it related to many Red -haired, who shared their stories about ostraconization or bad treatment with him, which caused him to think deeper about how other white people treat gums and the way white people, more broadly, treat black people.

“There were so many of them with very similar stories about their childhood and upbringing, which shaped my view on this. There are definitely black people of the white community, especially after hearing about their history and hardships,” said Dickens.

He continued: “As a black person and how I feel about it, I look at it from another point! There is so much negativity in the world, and even more division in the world. I love it because it produces so much positiveness and love.”

According to Dr. Tydden, an assistant to the Urban Planning Professor on the University of Toronto, the trend touches the historical treatment of Irish (who are sometimes red -haired), after they first emigrated to America and had to gain white because they weren’t perceived as white people, solidarity with black people.

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“This trend refers to the historical marginalization of” gums “, phenotypes highly associated with the Irish. Treatment of Irish, especially at the hands of the British, is well documented, and their discrimination went well in American colonization. This historically created solidarity between African-American and Irish populations, “said Rodden Outlet.

Redden also warned that the trend in Tiktoku failed, partly because a few of them had accepted what it means to be white in America.

“Instead of referring to the ways in which tenants are treated, e.g. it is believed that it is unattractive (addressed to men) or fetishized (in the case of women), some films transformed into the co-optation of black cultural expressions so that the creators could demonstrate their” blackness “-Redden said.

“He was a black artist who emphasized how they were treated badly, and it is unfortunate to become an opportunity to disregard African -American traditions,” Redden noted.

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Melanie Preston, a licensed mental health therapist at Matter of Focus advising, repeated Redden’s criticism and said that the flattening of separate historical experiences of individuals or other digital currency is a bit naive.

“Comparison of being red to being black may feel nervous and even confirm some, nevertheless it is fake equivalence. Red -haired can face teasing – people have faced the generations of systemic, legalized oppression. Borrowing black pain to confirm other struggles, doesn’t construct solidarity – it erases the context. fight ”to confirm other struggles.

Connor, a 27-year-old creator of Rudy’s content, who often creates satirical movies, said that he understands the seriousness of similarities between black people and red-haired, despite the final “unnecessary nature” of this trend.

“Growing up, they were defined by hair, intimidated, stereotypical,” said Connor. “This” other “is something that I know is a common experience.”

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He also admitted that white leases are still white, which suggests that they’ve some benefits that black people won’t ever receive within the United States.

“At the tip of the day, white ginger is white, which brings all of the privileges, perspectives and experiences common for being white. We won’t ever really have the ability to compare our experience with a median black person, but we will sympathize with, support, love and stand in solidarity because imitate yourself – said Connor.

(Tagstranslat) tiktok

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This article was originally published on : www.blackenterprise.com
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Four lifestyle habits that can help you live up to 100

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A 115-year-old woman from Surrey named Ethel Caterham officially received the title The oldest alive man.

Many people reading this message may wonder what the key of Caterham is.

Although it is normally not idea to make the most of the information on health and longevity from supersenters (because they are sometimes an exception than the rule), there are some lifestyle suggestions that we can use from researching groups of long -term individuals who can help us increase our possibilities for an extended life.

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(*100*)


1. Physical activity

Physical activity is sweet for you – who knew? Studies show that people who find themselves more physically energetic daily They live longer, a healthier life. One study showed that moving from physical activity to about 75 minutes every week of vigorous walking increased the expected life expectancy about two years.

But perhaps less known is how bad inaction is on your health and longevity. This is a bit difficult to explain, however the positive effects of exercises actually differ from the negative effects of inaction. This means you can have A positive effect in your health Being each more energetic and avoiding inactive.

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However, nearly as good as a structured exercise, in itself it cannot balance the damage to inactivity and sitting throughout the day. Studies even show that being sitting is expounded to Higher risk of premature death for any reason.



If you want to live longer, you should try to avoid sitting for a very long time, if possible. Practical recommendations on this Include standing every half-hour, seeing someone within the office as an alternative of calling or sending E -Mail and stand in public transport during travel. That’s a plus strive to perform about half-hour of moderate exercise for many days It will help maximize the possibilities of an extended, healthy life.

2. Eat vegetables

Council many children fear: eat vegetables if you want to live for a very long time.

Last examination Then got here about 100,000 people in 30 years, said that individuals who have reached 70 years in good health (which suggests that they didn’t have chronic diseases) normally ate more fruit, vegetables, whole grain, nuts and legumes, in addition to smaller fats, red or processed meats, fried food and suggestion. Importantly, this study doesn’t say that you have to be a vegan or never eat red meats – this only identifies trends in diets related to healthy aging.

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An elderly woman feeds eating an older man.
A healthy weight loss plan can be the important thing to healthy aging.
Tom Wang/ Shutterstock
(*100*)

When and the way much you eat, it can also play a job when it comes to aging. Studies of calorie and intermittent restrictions in animals have shown that each can increase life. Our initial work in humans also showed that after an empty stomach it can cause three weeks Similar, positive metabolic shifts It suits what now we have seen in animals that will live longer. However, more research is required in an extended time-frame to determine the impact on Healthspan and life in humans.

3. Sleep

The regular dream of excellent quality can also be vital health for all times and general longevity.

In the study, about 500,000 British irregular sleep patterns were related to 50% higher risk of early death compared to those with regular sleep patterns. Change employees showed the next risk of strokes, and nurses who worked on rotational changes for a long time Less healthy and had previous deaths in retirement compared to nurses who didn’t work with changes.

Although these data suggest that good quality, regular sleep is essential for good health, how much sleep you need and when you should go to sleep seems to be highly individualistic. This makes it difficult to transfer recommendations for the whole population-which is why NHS recommends that adults get between 7-9 hours of sleep.

4. Stress

Stress has a variety of influence in your health.

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For example, the growing evidence indicates that the stressors of formative years (comparable to the lack of parent, neglect or abuse) can negatively affect health in later life-nave to molecular and cellular levels through Increasing inflammation levels in a way that can increase risk of bad health and premature death in old age.

And vice versa, older adults that show increased psychological resistance to stress are he’ll die less often for any reason. Eight weeks of normal yoga is enough Improve psychological immunity in older adults.

The effect of social connections might be related. Those who live more socially also live live longer. In fact, people over 65 years old who’re socially energetic daily thrice more likely Live for more five years compared to those that almost never become involved in social activities.

It is a widespread discovery that strong social networks seem Increase longevity. This may result from the way in which social connections help us relieve stressors in our lives.

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The role of genetics

Although there are a lot of lifestyle habits that we can change, one thing that we cannot control when it comes to our lives is genetics. Some studies suggest that naturally occurring mutations in genes related to longevity are more common in long -term people.

Although it’s difficult to irritate the role of genetics compared to lifestyle when it comes to life expectancy, current forecasts suggest that longevity is between 20-40% related to genetics.

But good genetics are usually not all the pieces. Although Ethel Caterham reached the extraordinary age of 115-And considered one of her sisters lived on the 104th daughter of Caterham initially recognized her on the age of 71 and 83.

And even when you win a genetic jackpot and follow lifestyle, you would still be very completely satisfied that he could have an important age of Caterham on the age of 115. Mutation cells, a type of clots, completion of biological happiness. Despite this, if you want to maximize your possibilities for an extended life and remain as healthy as possible, try to be more physically energetic daily, eat weight loss plan, go to sleep and maintain low stress.

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This article was originally published on : theconversation.com
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Simone Biles and Jenifer Lewis receive honorary doctorates at Washington University in St. Louis

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Actress Jenifer Lewis and Gymmen Simone Biles have recent titles: Doctor!

On Sunday, May 12, 68-year-old “Czarny” Ałun and 28-year-old 7-year-old Olympic gold medalist were among the many six people honored with honorary doctorates at the University of Washington in St. Louis through the school start ceremony. While Lewis received one in the sphere of Fine Arts, Biles, which was also at hand to offer the address of the beginning of the college, he received one in humanitarian letters.

From the Francis Olympic pitch on the DanForth campus, dressed in a royal college hat and a dress, and through the rain knowledgeable gymnast gave an exciting and inspiring speech of wisdom about success.

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Noticing that she achieved many “news” in her gymnastic profession, she celebrated graduates who may be the primary in their families who achieved bachelor’s studies, together with the remainder, for “one of the most difficult things”.

“The world doesn’t need to be perfect,” she said News from the spectrum. “You must be brave, he needs you to care and continue, even when things do not go according to plan. So go there and write your own story, only one you can say.”

A supporter of mental health at all times, Biles also led graduates in a deep breath in order that they may fully “breathe” their last achievement and advise them to “be careful and care for themselves.”

Lewis, dating from Missouri, was also a highlighted speaker through the bronze school recognition ceremony, and even received Special spiritual tunnel Inspired by Jennifer Hudon’s viral trend. Members of lecturers and school employees serenaded Lewis with the performance of “simply the best” when she danced and threw away the high, dug in the center of the Spirit Fight line.

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During her comments, addressing the graduates of the Brown Recognition ceremony, Lewis gave advice on maintaining vigilance.

“Oh, class from 2025 – one day you can fall down wild animals, so with every step you do, pay attention” she said. “You will go into an unknown world – and oh, what an unknown. You studied hard and deserved your own arsenal of tools. Go there and apply them with grace and compassion.”

For both new graduates and burned professionals, LinkedIn's job search can be a rescue line

(Tagstranslat) Jenifer Lewis

This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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