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“I love you, but I hate you.” What to do when you can’t stand your long-term partner

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It’s often said that there is a nice line between love and hate, but is it okay to sometimes hate your long-term partner? If you ask actress Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s practically needed.

When asked concerning the secret of her 40-year marriage to actor Christopher Guest, she recently replied that the important thing to success is patience, perseverance and “a really big dose of hate.”

“Suddenly you literally want to hate each other. And the next day it’s a nice, sunny day and the dog does something cute or your kid does something cute and you look at each other and go, ‘Oh my gosh,'” Curtis told “Entertainment Tonight” after accepting an Emmy for his role in “The Bear.” “And you’re on a different track.”

Relationship experts say it’s normal for couples to experience moments that feel like real hate. The difference between couples who survive and those that don’t is how they cope with their emotions in these moments.

“Hating the person you love is the most common thing in the world,” said Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and writer of Am I Lying to Myself? How to overcome denial and see the reality. “We think we should love our partner all the time, unconditionally, but that’s not the case.”

Yes, you should “get rid of the little things”

Stereotypical annoyances like leaving the bathroom seat open or shoes littering the ground add up if left unaddressed, says Terri Orbuch, a professor of sociology at Oakland University and writer of “Five Simple Steps to Taking Your Marriage from Good to Great.”

To prevent pet anger from turning into an even bigger problem, it is vital to “worry about the little things,” said Orbuch, whose research has followed a whole lot of couples over 36 years.

“What starts as a small, irritating habit becomes, ‘You’re not listening to me. You don’t love me. Maybe we’re not compatible and I hate you,” she said.

But criticizing the issue within the moment is not the perfect approach, Orbuch said. Find time and situation to discuss it: away from the children, not right after work, right before you leave for the day, or when you’re drained in bed.

Be specific

Orbuch really useful starting the discussion with the positives after which using what she called an XYZ statement. For example, give examples that show that you know that is an overall great partner, equivalent to being an important friend or being good to your mother. Then do the next: When I do X (throw clothes on the ground) in Y situation (as an alternative of the trash can), I feel Z (frustrated).

Then ask, “Can we talk about this?”

Highlighting a selected behavior will help your spouse or partner deal with the issue higher than if you blame her or him for a personality flaw, equivalent to, “You’re a terrible slob.”

“We lock the person up where they don’t know what to say or what to change to alleviate the frustration,” Orbuch said.

When you can, highlight loving moments

Greer said an important way to quickly dissipate hateful moments is to construct a reservoir of positive emotions. Pay attention not only to the points of your partner that you adore, but also to why they make you feel good.

For example, if your partner gives you flowers, as an alternative of just thanking him, tell him how you felt when you received them. Saying you appreciate the flowers since it showed they listened to something you needed helps reinforce those positive emotions, she added.

“When you feel love, it’s important to name it,” Greer said. “It’s important to say, ‘You know what, I’m having a moment where I can love you.'”

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This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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North West has mixed feelings about growing up in the spotlight

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Like her father, Kanye West, North West shouldn’t be a fan of paparazzi. As the newest cover star Interview magazineThe 11-year-old sat down together with her mother, Kim Kardashian, for an interview and to share a glimpse into her young life. Born a Star West revealed how she really feels about being in front of the camera all the time.

“I like taking pictures of myself, but I don’t like it when paparazzi do it,” West told her mother. “When I woke up and saw so many paparazzi, I thought, ‘Hey, I’m going to sue you.’ If I’m ready, if I’m not tired, if my outfit is good, I say, “OK, I can take a photograph.”

In addition to growing up recurrently appearing on her maternal family’s reality shows, West has made a reputation for herself on social media. With 19.2 million followers on the Kardashian-managed TikTok account, the teenager is carving her own path to stardom together with her dance videos.

Aside from inheriting a position of prominence, West is like all other 11-year-old, juggling school, personal interests and life together with her younger siblings. Joking together with her mother throughout the interview, the cover star revealed that she enjoys art, but finds art classes “annoying.” While she may not particularly enjoy school at this age, West’s creative side shines through in her passion for fashion.

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When asked what her current favorite style trends are, she shared her love for “streetwear and the ’90s,” noting that she appreciates Tyler, the Creator, her father, and, in fact, herself as arbiters of private style. As a budding streetwear enthusiast who has teased the launch of her eponymous clothing line, West also pays close attention to streetwear when she travels.

“Everyone’s style is in the right place (in Japan),” she added. “Or New York, because there is streetwear there – yes. And New York is really cool.”

In addition to her love of favor and music, West could be very committed to her faith. Throughout the interview, she repeated that she would always remember the lesson: “trust only God.”

“Spread the gospel,” she added, explaining how she tries to assist people. “(Telling people) about God and how problems can be solved if they follow His words and His way.”

North is the first of Kim and Kanye’s 4 children. Despite ending their marriage in 2022, the stars co-parent North and her siblings, their son Saint, 8, daughter Chicago, 6, and youngest son Psalm, 5.

“(The best day of my life was) maybe in Italy with my dad,” West told her mom. “It was just us and my siblings, and that’s when I really brought them closer to God… I thought, ‘We have to pray.’ Then I taught Chi, Psalm and Saint how to pray. Then God really did what he had to do.”

So what does the first-born of the Kardashian-West children plan for her future?

“I don’t know because I’m already doing a lot of things that I want to be when I grow up,” West said. “Now I just want to continue my career.”

This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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What is International Day of the Girl and why is it more important than ever?

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International Day of the Girl, International Day of the Girl Child, Black girls, organizations for Black girls, advocacy for girls, theGrio.com

Theme of 2024 International Day of the Girl is “A Girl’s Vision of the Future.” However, whilst women are making progress around the world, the future of more than 1.1 billion girls around the world stays uncertain.

Initiated by the United Nations in 2011 and observed annually on October 11, the International Day of the Girl goals to attract attention and potential allies to the enormous obstacles and dangers faced by many ladies around the world. How noted by the UN“Today’s generation of girls are disproportionately affected by global climate crises, conflict, poverty and the rejection of hard-won gains for human rights and gender equality. Too many girls continue to be denied their rights, limiting their choices and futures.”

“Girls who are effectively supported as they grow up have the potential to change the world – both as the empowered girls of today and as tomorrow’s workers, mothers, entrepreneurs, mentors, heads of households and political leaders.” reports UN

So what are you able to do to assist girls? First, hearken to the young girls and women in your orbit and validate their concerns, needs and dreams. Then engage in large-scale grassroots advocacy efforts to support them in achieving gender equality, academic achievement, and cultural exposure. At the same time, work hard to guard them from the dangers of exploitation, child marriage, climate change, and educational and economic disparities.

As noted in the 17 goals presented in The UN 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development“Only by ensuring the rights of women and girls for all purposes will we achieve equity and inclusion, an economy that works for all, and maintaining our shared environment now and for future generations.”

International Day of the Girl falls on October 11 yearly, but day by day is a chance to empower girls at home and abroad to make sure a brighter future for all of us. Ready to start? Here are some organizations which can be doing work price supporting.

The Black Girls Code: Founded in 2011, this renowned organization provides Black girls with the technical education, skills and confidence that may take them further than they might ever dream of.

Black Girls Freedom Fund: The Black Girl Freedom Fund, a subsidiary of Grantmakers for Girls of Color, goals to take a position $1 billion over ten years “in the brain confidence, innovation, health, safety, education, artistic vision, research and joy of Black girls and their families ”

Black girls’ smiles: Invest in the well-being of Black women and girls with “gender-responsive and culturally affirming education, resources and support for mental well-being.”

The girls exit into the world: Gaining a world education and perspective begins with exposure, which Girls Going Global goals to supply by enriching travel experiences that open underrepresented young eyes to the world.

Girls take turns: This broad-based nonprofit organization equips young women with leadership skills by “inviting them to design, lead, finance and implement social change projects that address issues facing girls in their own neighborhoods.”

Loveland Foundation: “We’re the ones you’ve been waiting for,” reminds the Loveland Foundation. With a deal with healing for Black women, girls and communities, the organization founded by Therapy for Black Girls creator Rachel Cargle transforms people’s lives from the inside out.

Southern Black Girls and Women Consortium: With a goal to “fund the dreams of Black girls and women in the Southern United States,” the philanthropic organization has already awarded more than $10 million to a whole lot of Black women-led organizations and goals to lift $100 million over the next decade.

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This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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Ribbon cutting kit for the Go-Go Museum and Cafe on November 18

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15 Summer Readings by Black Authors


After years of planning, the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the Go-Go Museum and Cafe, honoring the genre popularized in the D.C. area, will happen on November 18.

According to a press release shared by Popville, the long-awaited 8,000-square-foot museum situated in Anacostia will likely be open to the public on the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend. The Go-Go Museum and Cafe will likely be available for special occasions. It will likely be open to visitors on the first and third Saturday of the month.

Behind the museum is community organizer and go-go promoter Ron Moten, co-founder of the #DontMuteDC movement, founded in 2019 to preserve go-go music. The museum’s predominant curator is Dr. Natalie Hopkinson, co-founder of Don’t Mute DC, who published her doctoral thesis and book on go-go music in 2007.

The Go-Go Museum and Cafe will, after all, include a restaurant and three special zones for exhibitions and interactive attractions. There is a recording studio on site. An outdoor space with a stage will likely be available for live performances.

Attendees can see technology not seen in local museums, including holograms of Backyard Band pioneer and star Ralph Anwan Glover and UE’s Sugarbear, where visitors can interact with the characters. There is a graffiti exhibit where visitors can mark the partitions of the museum using digital spray cans. Fans of the genre can see artifacts comparable to a Rare Essence bomber jacket, a DJ Kool concert jacket, a wig and concert outfit from Maiesh and the Hip Huggers, a Chuck Brown cutout used during in-store promotions, and many other go-go music related items.

The museum is positioned near the Frederick Douglass National Historic Site and the Busboys & Poets house at 1920 Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. S.E.

Additional information could be found on the museum’s website website.


This article was originally published on : www.blackenterprise.com
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