Lifestyle
“I love you, but I hate you.” What to do when you can’t stand your long-term partner
It’s often said that there is a tremendous line between love and hate, but is it okay to sometimes hate your long-term partner? If you ask actress Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s practically vital.
When asked concerning the secret of her 40-year marriage to actor Christopher Guest, she recently replied that the important thing to success is patience, perseverance and “a really big dose of hate.”
“Suddenly you literally want to hate each other. And the next day it’s a nice, sunny day and the dog does something cute or your kid does something cute and you look at each other and go, ‘Oh my gosh,'” Curtis told “Entertainment Tonight” after accepting an Emmy for his role in “The Bear.” “And you’re on a different track.”
Relationship experts say it’s normal for couples to experience moments that feel like real hate. The difference between couples who survive and those that don’t is how they take care of their emotions in these moments.
“Hating the person you love is the most common thing in the world,” said Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and creator of Am I Lying to Myself? How to overcome denial and see the reality. “We think we should love our partner all the time, unconditionally, but that’s not the case.”
Yes, you should “get rid of the little things”
Stereotypical annoyances like leaving the bathroom seat open or shoes littering the ground add up if left unaddressed, says Terri Orbuch, a sociology professor at Oakland University and creator of “Five Simple Steps to Taking Your Marriage From Good to Great.”
To prevent pet anger from turning into an even bigger problem, it is vital to “worry about the little things,” said Orbuch, whose research has followed a whole bunch of couples over 36 years.
“What starts as a small, irritating habit becomes: ‘You’re not listening to me. You don’t love me. Maybe we’re not compatible and I hate you,” she said.
But criticizing the issue within the moment is not the perfect approach, Orbuch said. Find an excellent time and situation to discuss it: away from the children, not right after work, right before you leave for the day, or when you’re drained in bed.
Be specific
Orbuch beneficial starting the discussion with the positives after which using what she called an XYZ statement. For example, give examples that show that you know that is an overall great partner, resembling being an incredible friend or being good to your mother. Then do the next: When I do X (throw clothes on the ground) in Y situation (as a substitute of the trash can), I feel Z (frustrated).
Then ask, “Can we talk about this?”
Highlighting a specific behavior will help your spouse or partner address the issue higher than if you blame her or him for a personality flaw, resembling, “You’re a terrible slob.”
“We lock the person up where they don’t know what to say or what to change to alleviate the frustration,” Orbuch said.
When you can, highlight loving moments
Greer said an incredible way to quickly dissipate hateful moments is to construct a reservoir of positive emotions. Pay attention not only to the facets of your partner that you adore, but also to why they make you feel good.
For example, if your partner gives you flowers, as a substitute of just thanking him, tell him how you felt when you received them. Saying you appreciate the flowers since it showed they listened to something you needed helps reinforce those positive emotions, she added.
“When you feel love, it’s important to name it,” Greer said. “It’s important to say, ‘You know what, I’m having a moment where I can love you.'”
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Lifestyle
BlaQue Community Cares is organizing a cash crowd for serious food
QNS reports that Queens, New York-based nonprofit BlaQue Community Cares is making an effort to assist raise awareness of Earnest Foods, an organic food market with the Cash Mob initiative.
The BlaQue Cash Mob program is a community-led event that goals to support local businesses, reminiscent of grocery stores in Jamaica, by encouraging shoppers to go to the shop and spend a certain quantity of cash, roughly $20. BlaQue founder Aleeia Abraham says cash drives are happening across New York City to extend support for local businesses. “I think it’s important to really encourage local shopping habits and strengthen the connections between residents and businesses and Black businesses, especially in Queens,” she said after hosting six events since 2021.
“We’ve been doing this for a while and we’ve found that it really helps the community discover new businesses that they may not have known existed.”
As a result, crowds increase sales and strengthen social bonds for independent businesses.
Earnest Foods opened in 2021 after recognizing the necessity for fresh produce in the world. As residents struggled to seek out fresh food, Abraham defines the shop as “an invaluable part of the southeast Queens community.” “There’s really nowhere to go in Queens, especially Black-owned businesses in Queens, to find something healthier to eat. We need to keep these businesses open,” she said.
“So someone just needs to make everyone aware that these companies exist and how to keep the dollars in our community. Organizing this cash crowd not only encourages people to buy, but also shows where our collective dollars stand, how it helps sustain businesses and directly serves and uplifts our community.”
The event will happen on November 24 from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. at 123-01 Merrick Blvd in St. Albans. According to the shop’s co-owner, Earnest Flowers, he has partnered with several other Black-owned brands in the world to sell his products at the shop. Flowers is comfortable that his neighbors can come to his supermarket to purchase organic food and goods from local vendors like Celeste Sassine, owner of Sassy Sweet Vegan Treats.
At the grand opening three years ago which was visited by over 350 viewersSassine stated that the collaboration was “super, super, super exciting” to the purpose that the majority of the products were off the shelves inside hours.
Lifestyle
Keke Palmer Recalls the Key Advice Will Smith Gave Her as a Child: “It’s Hard to Be First”
Like many young people, actress Keke Palmer went through a phase wherein she clashed along with her parents. Recently in a performance at “Toast” podcast.Palmer revealed that fellow actor Will Smith helped her take care of the situation along with her family.
As a child star who has appeared on Nickelodeon and Disney productions, the “Akeelah and the Bee” actress explained how juggling fame has affected her and her family relationships — a lot in order that she admits she once considered emancipating herself from her parents.
Although her lawyer tried to get her into counseling, Palmer said it was Smith’s words that ultimately modified her mind.
“A couple of weeks go by, I’m on the set of ‘True Jackson, Vice President’ and I get a call from a very, very unknown number. And I said, “What? If it was strange, I would not answer,” she said, mentioning that she simply went back to work. Later, while retrieving her phone, Palmer received a voicemail from the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” star.
“Hey Keke. This is Will. We’re here filming ‘The Karate Kid’ with (my son) Jaden and I just want to let you understand that I’ve talked (to your lawyer),’ Palmer continued, impersonating Smith. “He let me know every little thing you are going through and I need you to know that sometimes it’s hard to be the first, but you may do it. Just stay focused, love your loved ones and every little thing shall be high-quality.
Palmer remembers struggling as a child with the attention and fame that got here with climbing the ladder in the entertainment industry. While trying to adjust to the demands of her burgeoning profession, the actress recalls feeling that fame meant she would have to “throw (her) family away.”
“It’s something that happens when you leave and you can become a child artist, you can be the first person in your family to go to college, or you can be the first person in your family to get married,” Palmer said: explaining her feelings at that moment. “There are so many firsts that can happen as the generations of your family grow and evolve.”
Ultimately deciding not to undergo the emancipation process, Palmer emphasized the importance of getting a healthy community when navigating the entertainment industry.
“I think I’ve always felt like a lot of people, whether they’re big names or whether they’re my lawyers, have been a good community,” she added. “Also, my parents made sure I was around (people) who would encourage community rather than discord and separation.”
Lifestyle
Issa Rae will be honored at the British Fashion Awards 2024
Issa Rae gets flowers – in style.
The 39-year-old author, actress and producer will receive the Pandora Leader of Change award at the upcoming British Fashion Awards 2024, which will happen on December 2 at London’s Royal Albert Hall, the British Fashion Council announced.
Actress and former “Insecure” co-star Yvonne Orji will present the award to Rae at the event, which serves as a significant fundraiser for the council’s foundation, in keeping with Women’s on a regular basis clothing.
“We are thrilled to honor Issa Rae with the Pandora Leader of Change Award at the Fashion Awards 2024,” Caroline Rush, chief executive of the British Fashion Council, shared in an announcement.
“Rae’s work has inspired and resonated with people around the world. “She is a staunch supporter of the civil and women’s rights movements, always advocating for equality and social justice in her acting and writing,” Rush continued. “She consistently uses her platform to highlight the lack of diversity in Hollywood and advocate for greater representation in the industry, including meeting people of color behind the scenes.”
She added: “She is wholeheartedly committed to moving the conversation forward and galvanizing voices that are typically absent and underrepresented to open doors for others. She truly embodies the principles of this award and we are very excited to celebrate her in December.”
According to the British Fashion Council website, the Pandora Leader of Change award recognizes individuals who “lead innovation” to extend representation in arts and culture. Rae will be the second-ever recipient of this award. According to official details about the award, one other actress and author Michaela Coel was honored in 2023 Elle Magazine.
“Issa Rae truly embodies the spirit of the Pandora Leader of Change award,” Berta de Pablos-Barbier, Pandora chief marketing officer, said in the release. “In this second year of presenting this award, we are (honored) to celebrate a woman whose love for her craft and community shines through in each multi-dimensional character she brings to life.”
Pablo-Barbier added: “Her passion and purpose make her a natural candidate for this award, which fits perfectly with our values at Pandora, where love is always at the center. Issa’s commitment to meaningful change and uplifting others makes her an extraordinary change leader, and we are proud to honor her.”
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