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“I love you, but I hate you.” What to do when you can’t stand your long-term partner

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It’s often said that there is a tremendous line between love and hate, but is it okay to sometimes hate your long-term partner? If you ask actress Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s practically vital.

When asked concerning the secret of her 40-year marriage to actor Christopher Guest, she recently replied that the important thing to success is patience, perseverance and “a really big dose of hate.”

“Suddenly you literally want to hate each other. And the next day it’s a nice, sunny day and the dog does something cute or your kid does something cute and you look at each other and go, ‘Oh my gosh,'” Curtis told “Entertainment Tonight” after accepting an Emmy for his role in “The Bear.” “And you’re on a different track.”

Relationship experts say it’s normal for couples to experience moments that feel like real hate. The difference between couples who survive and those that don’t is how they take care of their emotions in these moments.

“Hating the person you love is the most common thing in the world,” said Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and creator of Am I Lying to Myself? How to overcome denial and see the reality. “We think we should love our partner all the time, unconditionally, but that’s not the case.”

Yes, you should “get rid of the little things”

Stereotypical annoyances like leaving the bathroom seat open or shoes littering the ground add up if left unaddressed, says Terri Orbuch, a sociology professor at Oakland University and creator of “Five Simple Steps to Taking Your Marriage From Good to Great.”

To prevent pet anger from turning into an even bigger problem, it is vital to “worry about the little things,” said Orbuch, whose research has followed a whole bunch of couples over 36 years.

“What starts as a small, irritating habit becomes: ‘You’re not listening to me. You don’t love me. Maybe we’re not compatible and I hate you,” she said.

But criticizing the issue within the moment is not the perfect approach, Orbuch said. Find an excellent time and situation to discuss it: away from the children, not right after work, right before you leave for the day, or when you’re drained in bed.

Be specific

Orbuch beneficial starting the discussion with the positives after which using what she called an XYZ statement. For example, give examples that show that you know that is an overall great partner, resembling being an incredible friend or being good to your mother. Then do the next: When I do X (throw clothes on the ground) in Y situation (as a substitute of the trash can), I feel Z (frustrated).

Then ask, “Can we talk about this?”

Highlighting a specific behavior will help your spouse or partner address the issue higher than if you blame her or him for a personality flaw, resembling, “You’re a terrible slob.”

“We lock the person up where they don’t know what to say or what to change to alleviate the frustration,” Orbuch said.

When you can, highlight loving moments

Greer said an incredible way to quickly dissipate hateful moments is to construct a reservoir of positive emotions. Pay attention not only to the facets of your partner that you adore, but also to why they make you feel good.

For example, if your partner gives you flowers, as a substitute of just thanking him, tell him how you felt when you received them. Saying you appreciate the flowers since it showed they listened to something you needed helps reinforce those positive emotions, she added.

“When you feel love, it’s important to name it,” Greer said. “It’s important to say, ‘You know what, I’m having a moment where I can love you.'”

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This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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After second defeat for Model of the Year, Anok Yai tells British Fashion Council: ‘I don’t want it anymore’, sparking debate

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When Anok Yai was photographed in “The Yard” at Howard University’s 2017 homecoming ceremony, a fashion star was born. After agents began clamoring to find the identity of the then 19-year-old beauty and competing to sign her, Yai became a global sensation; inside the first six months of her profession, she became the first Sudanese model and the second black model, after Naomi Campbell, to open a Prada fashion show. In the seven years since then, covers and accolades have flown steadily, including her first American Vogue cover in 2020, which led to Yai being hailed as one of this generation’s “best.”New supers” — as in supermodels — via Models.com, who awarded her the title of “Model of the Year – Woman” in 2023.

Although Yai has enjoyed success on runways around the world, one accolade has eluded her, and now she says she now not wants it. On Monday as host of the British Fashion Council Fashion Awards 2024Yai was nominated again for the council’s Model of the Year award, her second nomination in as a few years. This is the second time Yai has been omitted from this honor, which recognizes “the global influence of a model who has dominated the industry over the past 12 months,” the organization explains. “With influence that extends beyond the runway, the Model of the Year has made an outstanding contribution to the industry, earning numerous editorial and advertising campaigns throughout the year.”

After losing in 2023 to Paloma Elsesser, the first full-size model to win the award, this 12 months the honor once more passed to Alex Consani, the first transgender winner in the award’s history. Heartily congratulating my friend and colleague from the industry on her groundbreaking achievement partially decided by audience votesYai didn’t hassle hiding her disappointment.

“Alex, I love you and I’m so proud of you,” she wrote X, early Tuesday morningadding: “British Fashion Council, thank you, but I don’t want it anymore.”

How Some she accused Yai of having sour grapes over her subsequent losses, others, etc Teen Vogue editor Aiyana Ishmael, they argue that the model’s disillusionment and self-defense should simply be considered a mirrored image of her humanity.

Billboard named Beyoncé the biggest pop star of the 21st century

“When we ask ourselves why we want Yai to accept her loss calmly, we must also ask ourselves if this is a response to society’s expectations for Black women,” Ishmael wrote, quoting writer and executive coach Janice Sutherland comment on stereotypes that deal with the “perceived strength and resilience” of Black women. “While these characteristics are undoubtedly empowering, they should not be used as a reason to deny Black women space to express vulnerability, pursue changing aspirations, or seek the support they need without judgment,” notes Sutherland.

“I remember in 2019 when a photographer called me a cockroach,” she said already deleted thread on X. Feeling unable to react while others on set treated the insult as a joke, Yai recalled feeling as if “I can not react the way I want because ultimately I’m young, I’m alone, I’m black… whatever I do , will impact me, my family and other black models.”

With this in mind, Yai’s disappointment at not being recognized for her achievements can simply be taken literally, relatively than interpreted as an try and undermine the achievements of Consani, the winner of Model of the Year. Yai said the same thing second postwriting: “If you saw the effort Alex put in; You’ll understand how proud I’m of her. But Alex may be proud and I may be exhausted at the same time. “It doesn’t diminish how much we love each other.”

Kerry Washington is celebrating a

As a member of a marginalized community, Consani undoubtedly empathizes. Actually, she she used her acceptance speech on Monday night to thank “black trans women who have truly fought for the space I am in today” and to thank “Dominique Jackson, Connie Fleming, Aaron Rose Phillips and many others” for enabling her own rise in the industry.

“Now, more than ever, there needs to be an important conversation about how to truly support and uplift each other in this industry, especially those who have been treated as nonessential,” Consani continued. “Because change is more than possible, it is necessary.”

Change is slowly but surely happening, as evidenced by the strong black representation amongst this 12 months’s Fashion Award winners. Winning designers included Grace Wales Bonner (British menswear designer) and Priya Ahluwalia (New establishment menswear), while special awards went to A$AP Rocky (BFC cultural innovator) and Issa Rae (Pandora change leader). Photographer Tyler Mitchell also received recognition, winning the Isabella Blow Award for fashion creator.

As for Yai, she may now not seek approval from the British Fashion Council, but she need look no further than The Yard to search out it. The supermodel returned to the spot where she was found during Howard’s 2024 “Yardfest” Homecoming celebration, much to the delight of students in attendance.

“I’m a black trans woman and there’s not a lot of representation,” McKenzie Cooper-Moore, a junior marketing major and emerging model, told Howard’s newspaper: Hill. “She is one of the top models today, she is a black woman and she or he is uncompromisingly black. That’s really cool. I actually admire her.


This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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Prince Harry downplays divorce rumors as he discusses the public’s fascination with his marriage to Meghan Markle

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Surprise – Meghan Markle and Prince Harry usually are not attached at the hip. Recently, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have made separate public appearances.

This week, Markle made a rare solo appearance at the Paley Honors fall gala in Los Angeles to support the godfather of the couple’s daughter, Princess Lilibet, Tyler Perry, who was honored that evening. Meanwhile, on the East Coast, Prince Harry appeared at the New York Times’ DealBook Summit 2024, where he spoke about his fascination with the society surrounding his relationship.

During the conversation, moderator Andrew Ross Sorkin asked Prince Harry how he deals with the constant attention on every thing he and his wife do, noting that articles about the couple’s separate appearances on each coasts have been circulating throughout the Internet.

“Is this normal for you? When the article comes out – she’s in California, you’re in New York – they say, “Well, what’s going on with these two, right?” In a way, is it good that he is so interested in you?” – Sorkin asked.

“No, this is certainly not a great thing. Apparently we now have bought or moved home 10 (or) 12 times. Apparently we have been divorced perhaps 10 (or) 12 times. So it’s just an issue of, “What?” – Prince Harry replied, laughing.

As the youngest child of Princess Diana and King Charles, the Duke of Sussex is not any stranger to life in the highlight. Having seen how the excessive media attention directly affected his mother and even played a task in her death in 1997, Prince Harry noticed how life in the public eye modified his relationship with the press.

“I have been experiencing something of life since I was a child. I have seen stories written about me that were not entirely based on reality. I saw stories about my family members, friends, strangers and all sorts of people,” he explained. “And I think when you grow up in that environment, you start to question the validity of the information, but also what other people think about it and how dangerous it can be over time.”

Ultimately, Prince Harry said he ignores false narratives online because he expects the media and social media trolls to twist and twist his words at any time.

I feel sorry for the trolls the most,” he continued. “Their hopes just get built and built they usually say, ‘Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,’ after which it doesn’t occur. That’s why I feel sorry for them. Really.

“The Duke and Duchess have now developed as individuals – not just as a couple,” a royal source explained. according to People magazine. “The Duke seems focused on his patronage work and the Duchess seems focused on her entrepreneurship.”

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry help Tyler Perry celebrate his birthday

This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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Nia Long and Larenz Tate Have the ‘Love Jones’ Reunion We’ve Been Waiting For, But There’s an Elephant in the Room

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Those of us who’ve been waiting to seek out out whether Nina Mosley and Darius Lovehall, the black and sexy leads of the 1997 cult romantic comedy “Love Jones,” ended up together will finally get our wish this holiday season. Leading actors Nia Long and Larenz Tate – still black and still hot, we’d add – teamed up for Walmart’s “Love Jones”-themed holiday ad, featuring variations Dionne Farris’ now iconic song “Hopeless” as the opening soundtrack.

In the Walmart Holiday x Love Jones spot titled “Give a Gift That Shows You Get It,” the gift-giving begins early when Nina (Nia) finds a Walmart box on the steps of her house and unwraps it to seek out a record player. Confirming that the gift is indeed from him, Darius (Larenz) repeats certainly one of his lines from the hit movie in which he asks, “Do you mind if I play something for you?”

Whether the poet Darius (Larenz) remains to be attempting to be “the blue in (Nina’s) left thigh… trying to become the funk in (her) right” stays unknown, but nostalgia hits when the two start dancing to the Isley Brothers classic: ” Stay in the groove with you, part 1.” To ensure this moment doesn’t go undocumented, a young woman, presumably the daughter of the fictional couple, appears at the door to capture the moment on camera, clearly taking a cue from her photographer mother, Nina. It’s an uplifting return to a black cinema classic that a lot of us would love to revisit in the era of sequels.

That said, the elephant in the otherwise romantic room is Walmart. The big-box retailer dampened a number of holiday spirit this yr with its post-election announcement that it was “phasing out” most of its DEI initiatives, which is essentially being interpreted as a preview of comparable industry policies to return under the incoming Trump administration. Among the now abandoned initiatives are a $100 million racial equity center launched in 2020 in response to the police killing of George Floyd, in addition to prioritizing 51% of BIPOC, LGBTQ, veterans and women products. – reported the Houston Herald..

“It’s after the DEI programs end that the marketing department will definitely (know) how to change the narrative,” commented one YouTube viewer. “This ad won’t let me forget that Walmart discontinued all DEI efforts,” one other commenter said.

Walmart clearly still sees value in attracting black consumers, as evidenced by the Gen X-friendly spot starring Tate and Long (notably, the spot was produced likely months before the election and subsequent DEI rollback). The company was sensible to think about our annual purchasing power it’s estimated to eclipse $1 trillion by 2030, in response to McKinsey & Co.

“Serving Black consumers can help brands better serve customers, especially as the country’s increasingly diverse demographics continue to grow,” said Shelley Stewart III, McKinsey senior partner and global leader for repute and engagement.

To that end, while many viewers welcome the return of Darius and Nina (some have even called for an official, if long overdue, sequel), the dichotomy between promotion and Walmart practice has not gone unnoticed.

“Walmart needs to rethink its DEI policies,” a YouTube commentator said. “We play it in our faces, using characters and actors we love!”

Kerry Washington is celebrating a

This article was originally published on : thegrio.com
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