Health and Wellness
Self-compassion is the key to overcoming the Superwoman syndrome
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July is BIPOC (Bipoc, Indigenous and People of Color) Mental Health Awareness Month. While any day is an awesome time to concentrate on the unique challenges that impact the well-being of individuals of color, this is the time of 12 months when these conversations are led by people outside of those communities.
One of the themes for this 12 months’s celebrations is “supporting intergenerational conversations,” and when I believed of topics that would fit under that theme, I believed of the superwoman syndrome. According to experts, black women are hit hard by burnout and stress, but they’re less likely to have access to mental health care.
I’m someone who has unconsciously placed on an imaginary cape and, knowing that I’m more exhausted than not, I even have often pushed myself to be the best mother, the best wife, the best homemaker, the best editor, the best pastoral employee, and other time-consuming roles . I even have perpetuated this because in some ways it is all I even have seen as a toddler and in the messages I even have received online and in my every day life.
But it’s exhausting, each mentally and physically, to try to do every little thing for everybody else while still dedicating the little time I even have left to myself. This leads to stress, extreme fatigue, and ultimately burnout. If left unchecked, it starts a cycle I do know all too well. But focusing a lot on self-care can often be criticized in the event you’re someone who grew up in the church and heard the message that it’s more necessary to do things for others than for yourself. It’s also met with mixed reactions as a parent.
So where is the middle ground?
According to Danielle Coke Balfour, illustrator, social justice activist and founding father of lifestyle brand Oh Happy Dani, a technique to shed that suffocating cloak for good is to practice self-compassion. The idea of self-compassion is at the heart of her latest work,
The book’s inspiring prompts are designed to eliminate the negative self-talk that makes busy black women feel like they’re not doing enough or that they need to appear as strong as possible even after they’re feeling broken. The workbook helps users find their current purpose, discover what brings them joy of their every day lives, and even create art to give themselves a moment to unleash pent-up creativity.
We spoke with Coke Balfour about what inspired her to write this handbook, why superwoman syndrome is so common, even amongst activists like her, and the power of practicing self-compassion to maintain peace of mind.
THE ESSENCE: What is behind the tendency of black women to play the superhero role and put themselves last, which negatively affects their psyche?
Danielle Coke Balfour: I imagine that the foundation of all of this is the “strong black woman” stereotype that has been around for generations. It fuels the concept that we’re by some means divinely able to withstanding greater pain, trauma, and disrespect, and that is why we’re treated that way. In order to survive, we have now had to dig deep inside ourselves and find the determination to keep going, for the good of our families and our collective well-being as a society.
We often hear conflicting comments. Some say that folks shouldn’t think a lot about themselves and concentrate on how to help others, but we also hear about the importance of self-care. Is self-compassion the solution? And if that’s the case, how can we practice it?
As a pastor’s daughter, I even have struggled with this message more times than I can count. In the book, I explore this tension as I consider how we live in a world where self-love is either demonized or the sum of our attention. The church often describes self-love as a mere distraction—an idolatrous concentrate on our own life and gain. Others take refuge in self-care, seeing it as the only necessity since it seems to offer a type of protection and insulation from the difficulties and attacks of the world.
To fully experience love, I imagine we’d like to discover a balance between healthy self-worth and caring for others. It’s giving of ourselves while also being attentive to when our cups are empty. It’s caring for ourselves while also taking the effort and time to be there for others. These two areas don’t compete; they complement and feed off one another, creating the obligatory balance for a lifetime of love and impact. We are worthy of the love we give. Self-compassion says that even in our love for others, it’s okay to select ourselves.
What inspired you to create?
was born out of an intense season of burnout and hopelessness. As a society, we were grappling with successive political unrest, humanitarian crises, a pandemic, and so many other issues, and I wanted to turn into cold and numb to the world around me in order that I wouldn’t still feel a lot pain. It was in the strategy of processing through art that I noticed that in these moments of devastation, the world needs warm, beating hearts of compassion, not cold hearts that turn away. When the tragedies of the world pierce our hearts like ice, it is our motion—our love in motion—that makes the difference: our voices, our prayers, our empathy, and so far more. seeks to be a companion and guide for many who want to discover how to use their unique gifts to show up and live lives of empathy, justice, and motion, while also caring for ourselves and being grateful for imperfection.
Where did you get the following tips? Did you’re employed with mental health experts and therapists?
These prompts are less like an handbook and more like a set of illustrated, guided activities that anyone can explore. They mix engaging and interesting exercises, encouragement I’ve drawn from a few of my heroines, like Maya Angelou and Toni Morrison, and reflection questions inspired by contemporary injustices. Rather than providing an inventory of answers, the workbook allows readers to explore and discover their very own ways of perceiving and embodying values like love, community, empathy, hope, redemption, justice, and more. Activities include creating art, discovering our unique gifts for change, exploring real-life scenarios of injustice, and fascinated by ways to be more kind and compassionate toward ourselves in an effort to positively impact the world around us.
As a social justice activist, how necessary is it to you to practice self-compassion?
Self-compassion is key to this work. Every day we see activists shutting one another down for making mistakes, burning out from maintaining a grueling pace, and giving up because they feel they’ve to be perfect. Self-compassion helps me understand that I’m not the end in myself on this work. There will all the time be more to do, and it can proceed with or without me, because I’m only one person. It is in recognizing that I cannot save the world that I free myself to concentrate on doing what I can, where I’m, with what I even have—and that may all the time be enough.
Give some examples of the way we could be higher to ourselves in our on a regular basis lives.
One of the best ways to show yourself more grace and empathy is to let go of perfectionism. Allowing yourself to be imperfect helps free yourself from the pressure to be strong and as a substitute gives you the grace to just… Another way is to relentlessly pursue what makes you come alive. By selecting joy, we decide resistance, hope, and strength of spirit, and we remind others that we’re free to be our full selves.
Health and Wellness
Prince’s sister Tyka Nelson has died at the age of 64
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Earlier this week we announced that Quincy Jones had passed away, and now Prince’s sister Tyka Nelson has also transitioned. The singer was 64 years old and the cause of her death is currently unknown.
The news was briefly shared by Nelson’s cousin, Charles “Chazz” Smith post on social media on November 4.
“Our family is very saddened to learn of the death of my cousin Tyka Evene Nelson this morning,” he wrote.
Tyka’s son, (*64*) LenNard Laeil Nelson, also reportedly later confirmed his mother’s death Minnesota Star Stand.
The singer was Prince’s only full sibling – they were born John L. Nelson and Mattie Shaw Nelson. Musical genius ran in the family, as Tyka also followed the same profession path to Prince.
The Minnesota artist has released a complete of 4 albums in her music profession. These include: released in 1988, released in 1992, released in 2008 and her last album, released in 2011.
Tyka decided to withdraw from public life and was purported to give a farewell concert in Minnesota in June, but she fell sick.
“I’m getting old,” she said of her decision at the time. “I wasn’t really a singer. I am a writer. I happen to know how to sing. I like singing.”
about writing, before her premature death, Tyka composed memories about herself and her family. In June, in an interview with , the singer said that the book isn’t finished and there are still just a few chapters left to write down.
In the interview, Tyka also talked about how she deals with loss, especially the death of her legendary brother, who died in 2016.
“I’m a damn grateful person who had wonderful people in my life. I miss their wisdom,” she said.
Tyka continued: “If I could, I would travel the world and meet people who loved him – for some I am the last link for him – it’s like giving him something from myself. As far as I’m concerned, he stayed because they loved his music.”
The singer left behind her husband Maurice Phillips, with whom she had six children: daughters Danielle Phillips, Crystal Phillips, Chelsea Phillips and sons Rachard Phillips, Sir Montece Laeil and (*64*).
Health and Wellness
Get post-election stress support from LeBron James, John Legend, Erykah Badu and more via meditation app
Falling into post-election existential fear? There’s an app for that. As many individuals proceed to grapple with the outcomes of the 2024 U.S. presidential election, the tools we use to de-stress, focus, and get back to a greater headspace are beginning to take hold.
Popular sleep and meditation app Headroom is offering post-election day specials, including a 14-day free trial.
The celebrity-endorsed wellness app features premium content that helps users rest, chill out and sleep. It also features an array of celebrity content and curated playlists from John Legend, Kevin Hart, Erykah Badu, and more.
“Hello, lovers,” Legend began promoting its content in the applying. “John Legend is coming with a special gift for you. I’ll allow you to sleep with me.
The music icon clarified that he meant virtually and only meant getting “regular sleep” through specially curated playlists, sleep recordings and videos.
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According to Hollywood reporterapart from emphasizing his free 14-day trial periodHeadspace offers free toolkit and an election season survival guide. The free trial period gives users full access to the app and its services, and after the designated time, membership costs $69.99 per 12 months or $12.99 monthly.
Headspace is not the only source where Black users can find content created by and for Black people. LeBron James, Idris Elba, Tabitha Brown and many more are helping calm people on Calm with their very own specialized content.
Thanks to James, Calm users can explore mindfulness manifestations and sleep stories. Elba also lends her voice to the narrative, and Brown invites users to decelerate together with her.
For Black people, especially Black women, in search of solace in an area designed specifically for them, a meditation and wellness app is offered Exhalewhich was created by a black woman with black women in mind.
Health and Wellness
This week’s best new music: Ella Mai, Mario, Eric Bellinger and more – Essence
Happy Friday, people. As November rolls around, a few of the most talented artists within the industry are releasing great music. From hip-hop to the soulful sounds of R&B, you’ll need loads of options to get into the groove this weekend.
Ahead of the discharge of his upcoming album, Cordae has released a new single titled “Syrup Sandwiches” featuring Joey Bada$$. Additionally, Ella Mai released an EP this week, Ab-Soul unveiled his project, and Ice Cube tapped Killer Mike and Busta Rhymes for “Ego Maniacs.” Our roundup features music from Ferg, Eric Bellinger, Mario and more.
You can take a look at today’s list of new items below.
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