Self-compassion is the key to overcoming the Superwoman syndrome

July is BIPOC (Bipoc, Indigenous and People of Color) Mental Health Awareness Month. While any day is an awesome time to concentrate on the unique challenges that impact the well-being of individuals of color, this is the time of 12 months when these conversations are led by people outside of those communities.

One of the themes for this 12 months’s celebrations is “supporting intergenerational conversations,” and when I believed of topics that would fit under that theme, I believed of the superwoman syndrome. According to experts, black women are hit hard by burnout and stress, but they’re less likely to have access to mental health care.

I’m someone who has unconsciously placed on an imaginary cape and, knowing that I’m more exhausted than not, I even have often pushed myself to be the best mother, the best wife, the best homemaker, the best editor, the best pastoral employee, and other time-consuming roles . I even have perpetuated this because in some ways it is all I even have seen as a toddler and in the messages I even have received online and in my every day life.

But it’s exhausting, each mentally and physically, to try to do every little thing for everybody else while still dedicating the little time I even have left to myself. This leads to stress, extreme fatigue, and ultimately burnout. If left unchecked, it starts a cycle I do know all too well. But focusing a lot on self-care can often be criticized in the event you’re someone who grew up in the church and heard the message that it’s more necessary to do things for others than for yourself. It’s also met with mixed reactions as a parent.

So where is the middle ground?

According to Danielle Coke Balfour, illustrator, social justice activist and founding father of lifestyle brand Oh Happy Dani, a technique to shed that suffocating cloak for good is to practice self-compassion. The idea of ​​self-compassion is at the heart of her latest work,

The book’s inspiring prompts are designed to eliminate the negative self-talk that makes busy black women feel like they’re not doing enough or that they need to appear as strong as possible even after they’re feeling broken. The workbook helps users find their current purpose, discover what brings them joy of their every day lives, and even create art to give themselves a moment to unleash pent-up creativity.

We spoke with Coke Balfour about what inspired her to write this handbook, why superwoman syndrome is so common, even amongst activists like her, and the power of practicing self-compassion to maintain peace of mind.

THE ESSENCE: What is behind the tendency of black women to play the superhero role and put themselves last, which negatively affects their psyche?

Danielle Coke Balfour: I imagine that the foundation of all of this is the “strong black woman” stereotype that has been around for generations. It fuels the concept that we’re by some means divinely able to withstanding greater pain, trauma, and disrespect, and that is why we’re treated that way. In order to survive, we have now had to dig deep inside ourselves and find the determination to keep going, for the good of our families and our collective well-being as a society.

We often hear conflicting comments. Some say that folks shouldn’t think a lot about themselves and concentrate on how to help others, but we also hear about the importance of self-care. Is self-compassion the solution? And if that’s the case, how can we practice it?

As a pastor’s daughter, I even have struggled with this message more times than I can count. In the book, I explore this tension as I consider how we live in a world where self-love is either demonized or the sum of our attention. The church often describes self-love as a mere distraction—an idolatrous concentrate on our own life and gain. Others take refuge in self-care, seeing it as the only necessity since it seems to offer a type of protection and insulation from the difficulties and attacks of the world.

To fully experience love, I imagine we’d like to discover a balance between healthy self-worth and caring for others. It’s giving of ourselves while also being attentive to when our cups are empty. It’s caring for ourselves while also taking the effort and time to be there for others. These two areas don’t compete; they complement and feed off one another, creating the obligatory balance for a lifetime of love and impact. We are worthy of the love we give. Self-compassion says that even in our love for others, it’s okay to select ourselves.

What inspired you to create?

was born out of an intense season of burnout and hopelessness. As a society, we were grappling with successive political unrest, humanitarian crises, a pandemic, and so many other issues, and I wanted to turn into cold and numb to the world around me in order that I wouldn’t still feel a lot pain. It was in the strategy of processing through art that I noticed that in these moments of devastation, the world needs warm, beating hearts of compassion, not cold hearts that turn away. When the tragedies of the world pierce our hearts like ice, it is our motion—our love in motion—that makes the difference: our voices, our prayers, our empathy, and so far more. seeks to be a companion and guide for many who want to discover how to use their unique gifts to show up and live lives of empathy, justice, and motion, while also caring for ourselves and being grateful for imperfection.

Where did you get the following tips? Did you’re employed with mental health experts and therapists?

These prompts are less like an handbook and more like a set of illustrated, guided activities that anyone can explore. They mix engaging and interesting exercises, encouragement I’ve drawn from a few of my heroines, like Maya Angelou and Toni Morrison, and reflection questions inspired by contemporary injustices. Rather than providing an inventory of answers, the workbook allows readers to explore and discover their very own ways of perceiving and embodying values ​​like love, community, empathy, hope, redemption, justice, and more. Activities include creating art, discovering our unique gifts for change, exploring real-life scenarios of injustice, and fascinated by ways to be more kind and compassionate toward ourselves in an effort to positively impact the world around us.

As a social justice activist, how necessary is it to you to practice self-compassion?

Self-compassion is key to this work. Every day we see activists shutting one another down for making mistakes, burning out from maintaining a grueling pace, and giving up because they feel they’ve to be perfect. Self-compassion helps me understand that I’m not the end in myself on this work. There will all the time be more to do, and it can proceed with or without me, because I’m only one person. It is in recognizing that I cannot save the world that I free myself to concentrate on doing what I can, where I’m, with what I even have—and that may all the time be enough.

Give some examples of the way we could be higher to ourselves in our on a regular basis lives.

One of the best ways to show yourself more grace and empathy is to let go of perfectionism. Allowing yourself to be imperfect helps free yourself from the pressure to be strong and as a substitute gives you the grace to just… Another way is to relentlessly pursue what makes you come alive. By selecting joy, we decide resistance, hope, and strength of spirit, and we remind others that we’re free to be our full selves.