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Here’s how to deal with toxicity from your ex when you end a relationship

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3 months ago

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Although Cardi B and her ex Offset have had many ups and downs of their relationship, the Grammy-winning rapper has finally decided that she is finished with the wedding. We previously reported that she filed for divorce. She and Offset recently had a falling out on social media because the previous Migos member accused Cardi of sleeping with another person. At the identical time, she was pregnant, later mentioning that he “won” because she was his “baby mom”, which caused a storm of opinions and outrage on the Internet.

Many black women have recognized this behavior because they often experience their significant others trying to intentionally sabotage their progress or use their success to lift themselves up. But I still wondered if their whole argument might have been avoided. And if Cardi B cheated, was it justified as some online claimed? So I made a decision to contact two relationship experts, Damona Hoffman and Nikquan Lewis, to learn how to deal with difficult interactions with an ex.

According to Hoffman, a successful artist gives us a masterclass in how not to break up. “Cardi B is giving us a masterclass on how not to break up right away. First, I might say, don’t try to solve the issue within the court of public opinion. The gory details of their breakup and cheating rumors should not be spread on social media, especially when they’ve children together who may have to read all of it sooner or later. There isn’t any reason to publicly post the main points of your breakup on social media or share them with all your family and friends. It may appear to be revenge, but within the end you’re only hurting yourself,” he says.

Instead of airing your dirty laundry on social media, he suggests using the art of silence. “I counsel you to stop communicating for a while. This is difficult when you have children in common or assets to sort out, so if that is your situation, try to find an intermediary. Otherwise, it’s easier to heal if you don’t talk to your ex until you’ve taken time to process your feelings. “It’s very common that when you start connecting again, you fall back into old patterns if you haven’t done your job, and in the case of Cardi B and Offset, this kind of blow-up followed by an on-off-again dynamic is nothing new,” says Hoffman .

Lewis and Hoffman consider it is best not to take hurtful comments from your ex-partner personally. “Hurtful comments are sometimes a last-ditch attempt by a toxic ex to regain control or power in a situation where they not have anything to say. Often this isn’t latest behavior and has happened before in the course of the relationship. It may hit in another way once you’re done and need to move on since it’s a time of vulnerability, especially if you keep going because you know you have to, but a part of you doesn’t want to. It’s necessary to realize that these comments will not be a reflection of you – they’re projections of pain, insecurity, and unresolved trauma. Clapping in response could also be satisfying, but your strength lies in responding and never responding. Choose emotional distance over argument, says Lewis.

Now it is time to address the elephant within the room. Is cheating even socially acceptable? Hoffman says: I do not think this provides a solution to the relationship. As Cardi B has said publicly, they need to work on their communication. Communication should at all times come before motion.” Lewis agrees: “Betrayal does not restore dignity, make the situation less painful, or erase past relationship trauma; this only adds to the emotional damage. The moment you decide that your partner’s toxic behavior no longer defines you or your actions, you take back your power. True power comes from choosing to live intentionally, not reactively.”

He continues, “Moving forward, your goal ought to be to honor yourself by defining your values, principles, morals, and relationship standards, which should dictate how you act. Once you do that, if you value qualities reminiscent of growth, respect, and honesty, they need to influence your decision-making process to determine whether cheating is appropriate. It’s necessary to make decisions which can be consistent with who you want to be – not who you were when you were with that person, or in moments where decisions are driven by feelings like hurt.

According to Lewis, “Dealing with a breakup is difficult enough, but when you’re dealing with a toxic partner/relationship, the emotional burden may be unbearable, not to mention the trauma within the relationship that always continues to impact those involved. Once you’ve decided you’re done with a relationship, the important thing to protecting your peace is to set clear, direct, and intentional boundaries – not only for your ex, but for yourself. This means selecting to heal as a substitute of getting the last word, responding when you are pressured, and getting your “lick” back.

Lewis suggests specializing in what’s best for you reasonably than taking revenge. “Instead, you should focus on what you need to do to move forward, understanding that just because it’s the best doesn’t mean it’s easy. This can be a very difficult process and requires determination, self-love, support and a lot of self-control,” she states.

Additional ways to get through a difficult breakup with a toxic partner According to Lewis:

Be intentional: Breaking away from toxicity requires intentionality. This process involves leaving physically and creating emotional, mental and spiritual space. This is where your clear and direct boundaries with your ex come into play and you take steps to limit his access to you. This may include unfollowing/blocking them on social media or on your phone and telling your friends about your boundaries in order that they know how they’ll support you during this time. This process will likely require you to make an effort to not react to what you see online, maintain only crucial communication, and at all times stick to the boundaries you set for yourself and your ex. If toxic and hurtful comments escalate into harassment/defamation, please pursue your legal remedies and notify others to play with another person.

Focus your healing: Focus on healing by repeating positive affirmations to yourself, reminding yourself of your value, and delving into self-love practices. Surround yourself with individuals who value you and put money into things that bring you joy, healing and growth. Take it sooner or later at a time, knowing that every step away from toxicity is a step closer to a true life focused on pleasure. Most importantly, keep in mind that healing isn’t linear – it is commonly chaotic and scattered, nevertheless it is value it. Respect your progress and at all times select peace over chaos.

Ending a toxic relationship means it is time to rewrite your narrative, stuffed with intention, self-respect, and healing. You deserve a space where you can create a relationship that’s consistent with the love and respect you have at all times wanted – starting with your relationship with yourself.

This article was originally published on : www.essence.com
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An attempt to save the image of Jeff Bezos’ future wife backfired after weeks of outrage and ridicule over her skimpy outfit

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5 days ago

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December 9, 2024

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Lauren Sánchez has apparently gained a popularity for her fashion hits and misses as social media users began following her every move.

Billionaire Jeff Bezos’ current fiancée stepped into the highlight long before she met the Amazon co-founder, after years spent as co-host of “Good Day LA,” a reporter for “Extra” and host of “So You Think You Can Dance,” and he even starred in a number of movies like “Ted 2.”

She faced criticism for posting a sultry selfie in November in a negligee-inspired gown by designer Laura Basca. In October, the 54-year-old again faced backlash when she showed off her latex Halloween costume as Catwoman.

Now, weeks after being deemed “cheap” and tasteless, the founder of Black Ops Aviation has turn out to be a subject of discussion.

Jeff Bezos’ fiancée Lauren Sánchez shows off a “winter white” look, weeks after critics slammed her busty latex outfit. (Photos: @laurenwsanchez/Instagram, Theimagedirect.com via Page Six)

On December 5, Sánchez and the business mogul attended The New York Times’ DealBook event in New York City. For the occasion, she wore a white Alexander McQueen suit and a white lace corset. The beaming bride-to-be sent two mirror selfies of her outfit, which she signed: “winter white.”

One follower particularly was stunned by the whole look he ejaculated that she was “very attractive and beautiful, gorgeous and stunning, charming and fantastic young lady, sexy, charming, charming and elegant” in the photos that Sánchez took.

Two other people swooned over the photos and wrote: “So chic and elegant!” and “You look great.” But as you would possibly expect from online viewers, not everyone was impressed.

When Page six published paparazzi photos from the trip, the critic commented: “It’s 30 degrees in New York and she gets out of the limo in a white Miami smock, her bra visible to everyone. No taste. Nothing. A cashmere turtleneck, flannel trousers and a wool jacket can be classy.

Someone else sharply asked: “Who can be the first to tell her that she looks tacky and not elegant and refined? Does she even know what sophistication means? A 3rd person noted: “She looks more like she’s wearing a bathrobe.”

Another person wrote in a comment from a licensed pilot: “White means…” possibly referring to rumors that Sánchez and Bezos are scheduled to exchange vows over Christmas. At least one person doubted the couple would have the opportunity to say “I do.” This person said: “This will be the longest engagement ever. They will NEVER get married and we all know why!!!!”

Sánchez told the “Today” show hosts that she was in the process of planning the big day last month. She didn’t comment on speculation about exchanging Christmas vows.

Renewed interest and scrutiny of Sánchez has increased as the pair have been spotted in various locations in recent months. The couple reportedly began dating in 2018. Their engagement was announced five years later, in May 2023. Their upcoming wedding can be a second journey for each of them.

Sánchez was previously married to celebrity agent Patric Whitesell, with whom she has two children. She can be the mother of a son, whom she shares with Pro Football Hall of Famer Tony Gonzalez. Bezos was married to the mother of his three children, Mackenzie Scott, for 25 years once they divorced in 2019.


This article was originally published on : atlantablackstar.com
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Apart from the song with singer-songwriter India Shawn – Andscape

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5 days ago

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December 9, 2024

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India Shawn is a contemporary muse with a chilled nature, crafting love stories and heartfelt tales in smooth, charming songs. With over a decade of experience in the music industry as a singer-songwriter, Shawn has incredible strength. She was born in Los Angeles, and her musical roots reach throughout the country. Beginning her profession in her hometown, Shawn eventually found herself in Atlanta, where she immersed herself in the city’s deep-rooted R&B scene, further shaping her artistry.

“I transferred to ATL, I was in 10th grade, and that’s when my music journey really started,” Shawn told Andscape. “I met people who were trying to get by, so I ended up recording and learned what songwriting was really early on.”

Before releasing her debut EP in 2012, Shawn wrote songs and collaborated with artists similar to Chris Brown, El DeBarge, Keri Hilson and Monica. In 2013, she gained much more notoriety when Solange Knowles published her song “I’m Alive” on the Saint Heron compilationmarking her as an artist value watching.

Following the release of the single “There Must Be a God” from the Andscape soundtrack, she caught up with Shawn to learn more about the muse behind the vibes.

Singer India Shawn grew up singing in church with her family. “I feel like most of us R&B kids have that experience,” she said.

India Shawn

Name:
India Shawn

Hometown:

Los Angeles

Artistic soundscape

Airy, soft, telling a story, multidimensional, soft, mysterious, atmospheric

The oldest musical memory

Shawn’s soulful sound is deeply rooted in her upbringing, with influences drawn from her childhood memories and the musical culture of her church. “I sing with my sister all the time, and I also grew up singing behind my mom in church. She was the leader of praise and worship. So I feel like most of us R&B kids have that experience,” Shawn said. “I had these little solos in church, and I believe what made me consider in it was that after the service people got here as much as me with tears of their eyes and said, ‘You really moved me while you sang.’ “These early moments of connection with music and audiences laid the foundation for conveying depth and sensitivity through her music.

Influences

For Shawn, music, especially R&B, has all the time held a special place in her life. “Me and my sister are harmonizing in the living room, just picking some of our favorite songs, including for me Mariah Carey, Babyface, Boyz II Men and (and) Brandy,” she said of her early music memories.

Creative process

Shawn often draws inspiration from real-life experiences and relationships that influence her music. She weaves this into the authenticity and atmosphere of her songs, but she didn’t immediately recognize where her inspiration got here from. “It’s funny that it took me so long to make that connection, but I realized that I was telling my whole story and presenting my business through my music,” she said. “It took me two albums to realize, wait a minute, I’m giving people a lot to understand here… these aren’t just songs. This is truly the life I live.”

Challenges and development

As Shawn’s profession grows, so do his moments of appreciation and reflection. “I literally just thought about a very gradual progression of my career. It’s like step by step, but there are more breakthrough moments. My first tour, which was so beautiful, I just knew I could pack a room and people knew my lyrics and sang my songs to me. Those moments that make the waiting not in vain.”

Shawn has plenty of recommendation for up-and-coming singer-songwriters. Her biggest sacrifice? Collaboration is essential. “I think (cooperation) is really why I’m still here. So find your people… you’ll know when it feels right, you’ll have that freedom and fluidity, and you’ll be able to really create things and create without having to think too much.” He also shares the importance of patience. “Just be patient during the journey. This has been a theme throughout my profession. Let it develop. I feel like more things come from being in that flow and being present reasonably than forcing all of it.

Current project

“There should be a God”, the lead single from Andscape , now streaming on Hulu, also serves as a teaser for Shawn’s solo album. “(This song) is such a manifestation of God’s love,” she said. “I think when you find yourself in a place of waiting, you can feel very hopeless. So when you see glimpses of God’s love again, or the fact that you know there is a higher power, there is a source that is thinking about you, has you in mind, has a perfect plan for you, it’s just like the clouds parting. And this is the moment, I understand. I understand that I had to go through all this to get here. And that’s exactly what I felt in the studio that day.”

Sheila Matthews is a digital producer at Andscape and a proud HBCU graduate. She believes “Return of the Mack” must have won a Grammy, and her Twitter mentions are open to all debate.

This article was originally published on : andscape.com
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ICYMI: Tessa Thompson’s Mocha Lip, Danielle Brooks’ Updo and More – Essence

Published

5 days ago

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December 9, 2024

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With just a number of weeks left until the tip of 2024, the celebrities are setting the tone for the brand new 12 months this week. And although mocha mousse is anticipated to be fashionable in 2025, neutral shades in darker tones have gotten more and more popular. Paired with an array of beauty eras – from elegant Twenties updos to 2000s-style round pink, the brand new Hollywood showcases its best 12 months-end beauty moments.

Tessa Thompson and Issa Rae are the newest to debut mocha lips holiday shade near the season, and Coco Jones’ lipstick was cranberry red. Doechii’s perforated suggestions and signature face-lift tape made it probably the most avant-garde look of the week, and within the sweetest moment, Chloe and Halle Bailey’s round pink cheeks made pink cheeks a winter styling staple.

From makeup to hairstyles, Sabrina Elba and Alva Claire opted for light, coffee colours, and Jourdan Dunn’s short hairstyle proved relevant at any time of the 12 months. Meanwhile, Lupita N’yongo, Danielle Brooks and Venus Williams’ braided buns showed just how classic this style may be.

In case you missed it, take a take a look at 17 of the very best celebrity beauty moments from the week below.

This article was originally published on : www.essence.com
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