Lifestyle
A viral dating coach is causing a stir after his advice for black women looking for a relationship raises eyebrows
Some Black women have a message for the relationship coaches targeting them: They’re exhausted by the advice.
“If you claim to care about Black women and claim to use your platform to provide Black women with real service or good advice, listen to us when we say we are tired” – TikTok user Tsahai Layne sent.
In her video titled “PSA for ‘Dating Coaches’ for BW,” she says that black women are fed up with all of the content about how they need to look, see themselves, and where they rank on the dating scale.
“The politics of attractiveness, the politics of respectability, fatphobia… some of you dating coaches have managed to take all these isms, wrap them in a bow and feed them to black women to quantify why you are single,” Layne said.
@tsahailayne That’s all there is to it #fyp #blackgirltiktok #relations #fypshi #DatingAdvice #misogynoir ♬ original sound – Tsahai Layne
Her message resonated with black women.
“Yes, I am very tired of dating advice,” commented TikTok user Imani. “I’m not giving up on love, but I’m tired of being told what to do.”
“It had to be said!” TikTok user KR added. “Honestly, it feels exploitative at this point. Gaslighting and targeting Black women, our needs and desires, in the name of “helping” us is brutal.”
While Layne didn’t name any names on this particular video, other people within the comments mentioned Anwar White, Derrick Jaxn, and the late Kevin Samuels – all men who gave controversial dating advice to black women.
Layne previously addressed White, a relationship coach who calls himself a “fairy godbrother” to Black and brown women: after the recording he published explaining why “many black women don’t like coffee dates.” His video was a response to the infamous cheesecake factory saga that social media users talked about for days. A woman went viral after posting a video wherein she explained how she refused to go away her automotive because her date was taking her to a cheesecake factory.
White, who says he has been a dating coach for Black and brown women for over a decade, is the host of the “Get Your Guy” podcast, which he launched in November 2020. White also served as program director of the McGill Desautels Master of Retail Management. He began the video by stating that many women have a certain “entitlement” relating to how they’re asked out on a date.
“I’m a big fan of coffee dates. Coffee dates are really vital for many reasons, but I need to dig into the deeper the explanation why, especially Black and brown women, can have this opinion or wonder what dates are okay or inappropriate for coffee dates. “
She says black women are likely to keep away from coffee dates resulting from the shortage of effort. Another reason, he says, is that black families equate money with love.
“Many of us grew up in households where our parents worked most of the time, and when they returned, they tried to compensate for the lack of quality time with gifts and money,” she says. “That’s why birthdays and Christmas were so exaggerated and we equated money with love.”
Some agreed with White’s evaluation.
“Oh my god I agree,” TikToker Netta J commented on her video. “I’ll go for coffee anytime, because if I don’t like you, at least I’ll have a good cup of coffee and waste less time at the end.”
“I prefer coffee/tea dates because I find it casual,” added TikTok user AlwaysBetOnBLACK. “It gives me a chance to be authentic, to connect and learn.”
However, some people, including Layne, disagreed with White’s evaluation.
“I feel like he (White) just has a really big blindspot in this scenario because if you want to talk about black women not wanting to go on coffee dates, you have to get to the real reason,” Layne said.
She said White glossed over the facts and generalized them into scenarios: “Black women don’t want to date broke men.”
@tsahailayne #seam with @Anwar White #greenscreen #dating #blackwomen #Cheesecake Factory #fyp #DatingAdvice ♬ original sound – Tsahai Layne
“I’ll go one step further, because that’s not even the point,” he says. “Many men who live by coffee dates, walks within the park, climbing dates, no-effort dates, lots of them follow Red Pill podcasts, Manosphere podcasts, Manoshpere ideologies that spread anti-Black, anti-woman rhetoric and violent rhetoric throughout Day”.
Black women aren’t the one ones who don’t share a few of White’s advice. A recent video about “dangerous” light-skinned black men also sparked a backlash on TikTok.
“Biracial and lighter-skinned men are often dangerous,” White said in a video posted in November 2023. “They have God complexes, and that is because they’ve a number of various privileges. Quite privilege within the Black community, white privilege within the Black community, and male privilege.
He went on to clarify that biracial and lighter-skinned men have the identical rights as white men, but are traumatized by black men.
@datingcoachanwar My Controversial Dating Advice for Light-Skinned Men! #blackdating #blackgirldating #blacklove #blackwomendatingtips #singleblackwoman #singleblackwoman #blackwomanhood #femininityforblackwomen #blackdatingadvice ♬ original sound – Anwar White
Needless to say, this upset a few men.
So the query becomes, what is one of the best ways for black women and men to search out authentic dating advice in a place of affection and authenticity? Evidence of this query comes from a recent query from a woman on the r/Blackladies subreddit.
Reddit users sympathized with the lady and said the most effective advice comes from individuals who live what they preach.
“Honestly, my favorite dating advice comes from healthy couples. Not some ‘coach’,” said one Reddit user.
“I would only seek advice from someone you trust and take online advice with a pinch of salt. There is nothing right or wrong with dating,” replied one other.
“People on the internet are just people on the internet,” one other Reddit user added. “You need to find people who know you and people you have dated who can give you detailed and appropriate advice.”
Lifestyle
Percival Everett wins the National Book Award for his Huckleberry Finn-inspired epic “James.”
NEW YORK (AP) – Percival Everett’s “James,” a daring reworking of “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,” won the National Book Award for fiction. The winner in the nonfiction category was “Soldiers and Kings: Survival and Hope in the World of Human Smuggling” by Jason De León, while the finalists included Salman Rushdie’s memoir about his brutal stabbing in 2022, “The Knife.”
The youth literature prize was awarded Wednesday night to Shifa Saltaga Safadi’s coming-of-age story “Kareem Between,” and the poetry prize was awarded to Lena Khalaf Tuffah’s “Something About Living.” In the translation category, the winner was “Taiwan Travel Diary” by Yáng Shuāng-zǐ, translated from Mandarin Chinese by Lin King.
Evaluation panels composed of writers, critics, booksellers and other representatives of the literary community chosen from lots of of submitted entries, and publishers nominated a complete of over 1,900 books. Each of the winners of the five competitive categories received $10,000.
Everett’s victory continues his remarkable development over the past few years. Little known to readers for many years, the 67-year-old was a finalist for the Booker and Pulitzer Prizes for such novels as “Trees” and “Dr. No” and the novel “Erasure” was adapted into the Oscar-nominated “American Fiction”.
Continuing Mark Twain’s classic about the wayward Southern boy, Huck, and the enslaved Jim, Everett tells the story from the latter’s perspective and highlights how in another way Jim acts and even speaks when whites usually are not around. The novel was a finalist for the Booker and won the Kirkus Prize for Fiction last month.
“James was well received,” Everett noted during his speech.
Demon Copperhead novelist Barbara Kingsolver and Black Classic Press publisher W. Paul Coates received Lifetime Achievement Medals from the National Book Foundation, which awards the awards.
Speakers praised diversity, disruption and autonomy, whether it was Taiwanese independence or immigrant rights in the US. The two winners, Safadi and Tuffaha, condemned the years-long war in Gaza and U.S. military support for Israel. Neither mentioned Israel by name, but each called the conflict “genocide” and were met with cheers – and more subdued reactions – after calling for support for the Palestinians.
Tuffaha, who’s Palestinian-American, dedicated her award partly to “all the incredibly beautiful Palestinians this world has lost, and all the wonderful ones who survive, waiting for us, waiting for us to wake up.”
Last yr, publisher Zibby Owens withdrew support for the awards after learning that the finalists planned to sentence the war in Gaza. This yr, the World Jewish Congress was amongst critics of Coates’ award, citing partly his reissue of the essay “The Jewish Onslaught,” which was called anti-Semitic.
National Book Foundation executive director Ruth Dickey said in a recent statement that Coates was being honored for his body of labor, not for any single book, and added that while the foundation condemns anti-Semitism and other types of bigotry, it also believes in free speech.
“Anyone who looks at the work of any publisher over the course of almost fifty years will find individual works or opinions with which they disagree or find offensive,” she added.
The National Book Awards took place way back in mid-November, shortly after the election, and supply an early glimpse of the book world’s response: hopeful in the wake of Barack Obama’s 2008 victory, when publisher and honorary winner Barney Rosset predicted a “new and uplifting program.” ; grim but determined in 2016, after Donald Trump’s first victory, when fiction winner Colson Whitehead urged viewers to “be kind to everyone, make art and fight power.”
This yr, as lots of gathered for a dinner ceremony at Cipriani Wall Street in downtown Manhattan to have a good time the seventy fifth anniversary of the awards, the mood was certainly one of sobriety, determination and goodwill.
Host Kate McKinnon joked that she was hired because the National Book Foundation wanted “something fun and light to distract from the fact that the world is a bonfire.” Musical guest Jon Batiste led the crowd in a round of “When the Saints Go Marching In” and sang a couple of lines from “Hallelujah,” the Leonard Cohen standard that McKinnon somberly performed at the starting of the first “Saturday Night Live” after the 2016 election.
Kingsolver admitted that she feels “depressed at the moment”, but added that she has faced despair before. She compared truth and like to natural forces equivalent to gravity and the sun, that are at all times present whether you may see them or not. The screenwriter’s job is to assume “a better ending than the one we were given,” she said.
During Tuesday evening’s reading by the award finalists, some spoke of community and support. Everett began his turn by confessing that he really “needed this kind of inspiration after the last few weeks. In a way, we need each other. After warning that “hope just isn’t a technique,” he paused and said, “Never has a situation seemed so absurd, surreal and ridiculous.”
It took him a moment to understand that he wasn’t discussing current events, but fairly was reading James.
Lifestyle
What is GiveTuesday? The annual day of giving is approaching
Since it began as a hashtag in 2012, Giving on Tuesdaythe Tuesday after Thanksgiving, became one of the largest collection days yr for non-profit organizations within the USA
GivingTuesday estimates that the GivingTuesday initiative will raise $3.1 billion for charities in 2022 and 2023.
This yr, GivingTuesday falls on December 3.
How did GivingTuesday start?
The hashtag #GivingTuesday began as a project of the 92nd Street Y in New York City in 2012 and have become an independent organization in 2020. It has grown right into a worldwide network of local organizations that promote giving of their communities, often on various dates which have local significance. like a vacation.
Today, the nonprofit organization GivingTuesday also brings together researchers working on topics related to on a regular basis giving. This too collects data from a big selection of sources comparable to payment processors, crowdfunding sites, worker transfer software and offering institutions donor really helpful fundstype of charity account.
What is the aim of GivingTuesday?
The hashtag has been began promote generosity and this nonprofit organization continues to advertise giving within the fullest sense of the word.
For nonprofits, the goal of GivingTuesday is to boost money and have interaction supporters. Many individuals are aware of the flood of email and mail appeals that coincide on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. Essentially all major U.S. nonprofits will host fundraising campaigns, and plenty of smaller, local groups will participate as well.
Nonprofit organizations don’t have to be affiliated with GivingTuesday in any method to run a fundraising campaign. They can just do it, although GivingTuesday provides graphics and advice. In this manner, it stays a grassroots endeavor during which groups and donors participate as they please.
Was GivingTuesday a hit?
It will depend on the way you measure success, but it surely has definitely gone far beyond initial efforts to advertise giving on social media. The day has change into an everlasting and well-known event that focuses on charitable giving, volunteerism and civic participation within the U.S. and all over the world.
For years, GivingTuesday has been a serious fundraising goal for nonprofits, with many looking for to arrange pooled donations from major donors and leverage their network of supporters to contribute. This is the start year-end fundraising peakas nonprofits strive to fulfill their budget goals for next yr.
GivingTuesday giving in 2022 and 2023 totaled $3.1 billion, up from $2.7 billion in 2021. While that is loads to boost in a single day, the trend last yr was flat and with fewer donorswhich, in accordance with the organization, is a disturbing signal.
Lifestyle
BlaQue Community Cares is organizing a cash crowd for serious food
QNS reports that Queens, New York-based nonprofit BlaQue Community Cares is making an effort to assist raise awareness of Earnest Foods, an organic food market with the Cash Mob initiative.
The BlaQue Cash Mob program is a community-led event that goals to support local businesses, reminiscent of grocery stores in Jamaica, by encouraging shoppers to go to the shop and spend a certain quantity of cash, roughly $20. BlaQue founder Aleeia Abraham says cash drives are happening across New York City to extend support for local businesses. “I think it’s important to really encourage local shopping habits and strengthen the connections between residents and businesses and Black businesses, especially in Queens,” she said after hosting six events since 2021.
“We’ve been doing this for a while and we’ve found that it really helps the community discover new businesses that they may not have known existed.”
As a result, crowds increase sales and strengthen social bonds for independent businesses.
Earnest Foods opened in 2021 after recognizing the necessity for fresh produce in the world. As residents struggled to seek out fresh food, Abraham defines the shop as “an invaluable part of the southeast Queens community.” “There’s really nowhere to go in Queens, especially Black-owned businesses in Queens, to find something healthier to eat. We need to keep these businesses open,” she said.
“So someone just needs to make everyone aware that these companies exist and how to keep the dollars in our community. Organizing this cash crowd not only encourages people to buy, but also shows where our collective dollars stand, how it helps sustain businesses and directly serves and uplifts our community.”
The event will happen on November 24 from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. at 123-01 Merrick Blvd in St. Albans. According to the shop’s co-owner, Earnest Flowers, he has partnered with several other Black-owned brands in the world to sell his products at the shop. Flowers is comfortable that his neighbors can come to his supermarket to purchase organic food and goods from local vendors like Celeste Sassine, owner of Sassy Sweet Vegan Treats.
At the grand opening three years ago which was visited by over 350 viewersSassine stated that the collaboration was “super, super, super exciting” to the purpose that the majority of the products were off the shelves inside hours.
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