Lifestyle
A viral dating coach is causing a stir after his advice for black women looking for a relationship raises eyebrows
Some Black women have a message for the relationship coaches targeting them: They’re exhausted by the advice.
“If you claim to care about Black women and claim to use your platform to provide Black women with real service or good advice, listen to us when we say we are tired” – TikTok user Tsahai Layne sent.
In her video titled “PSA for ‘Dating Coaches’ for BW,” she says that black women are fed up with all of the content about how they need to look, see themselves, and where they rank on the dating scale.
“The politics of attractiveness, the politics of respectability, fatphobia… some of you dating coaches have managed to take all these isms, wrap them in a bow and feed them to black women to quantify why you are single,” Layne said.
@tsahailayne That’s all there is to it #fyp #blackgirltiktok #relations #fypshi #DatingAdvice #misogynoir ♬ original sound – Tsahai Layne
Her message resonated with black women.
“Yes, I am very tired of dating advice,” commented TikTok user Imani. “I’m not giving up on love, but I’m tired of being told what to do.”
“It had to be said!” TikTok user KR added. “Honestly, it feels exploitative at this point. Gaslighting and targeting Black women, our needs and desires, in the name of “helping” us is brutal.”
While Layne didn’t name any names on this particular video, other people within the comments mentioned Anwar White, Derrick Jaxn, and the late Kevin Samuels – all men who gave controversial dating advice to black women.
Layne previously addressed White, a relationship coach who calls himself a “fairy godbrother” to Black and brown women: after the recording he published explaining why “many black women don’t like coffee dates.” His video was a response to the infamous cheesecake factory saga that social media users talked about for days. A woman went viral after posting a video wherein she explained how she refused to go away her automotive because her date was taking her to a cheesecake factory.
White, who says he has been a dating coach for Black and brown women for over a decade, is the host of the “Get Your Guy” podcast, which he launched in November 2020. White also served as program director of the McGill Desautels Master of Retail Management. He began the video by stating that many women have a certain “entitlement” relating to how they’re asked out on a date.
“I’m a big fan of coffee dates. Coffee dates are really vital for many reasons, but I need to dig into the deeper the explanation why, especially Black and brown women, can have this opinion or wonder what dates are okay or inappropriate for coffee dates. “
She says black women are likely to keep away from coffee dates resulting from the shortage of effort. Another reason, he says, is that black families equate money with love.
“Many of us grew up in households where our parents worked most of the time, and when they returned, they tried to compensate for the lack of quality time with gifts and money,” she says. “That’s why birthdays and Christmas were so exaggerated and we equated money with love.”
Some agreed with White’s evaluation.
“Oh my god I agree,” TikToker Netta J commented on her video. “I’ll go for coffee anytime, because if I don’t like you, at least I’ll have a good cup of coffee and waste less time at the end.”
“I prefer coffee/tea dates because I find it casual,” added TikTok user AlwaysBetOnBLACK. “It gives me a chance to be authentic, to connect and learn.”
However, some people, including Layne, disagreed with White’s evaluation.
“I feel like he (White) just has a really big blindspot in this scenario because if you want to talk about black women not wanting to go on coffee dates, you have to get to the real reason,” Layne said.
She said White glossed over the facts and generalized them into scenarios: “Black women don’t want to date broke men.”
@tsahailayne #seam with @Anwar White #greenscreen #dating #blackwomen #Cheesecake Factory #fyp #DatingAdvice ♬ original sound – Tsahai Layne
“I’ll go one step further, because that’s not even the point,” he says. “Many men who live by coffee dates, walks within the park, climbing dates, no-effort dates, lots of them follow Red Pill podcasts, Manosphere podcasts, Manoshpere ideologies that spread anti-Black, anti-woman rhetoric and violent rhetoric throughout Day”.
Black women aren’t the one ones who don’t share a few of White’s advice. A recent video about “dangerous” light-skinned black men also sparked a backlash on TikTok.
“Biracial and lighter-skinned men are often dangerous,” White said in a video posted in November 2023. “They have God complexes, and that is because they’ve a number of various privileges. Quite privilege within the Black community, white privilege within the Black community, and male privilege.
He went on to clarify that biracial and lighter-skinned men have the identical rights as white men, but are traumatized by black men.
@datingcoachanwar My Controversial Dating Advice for Light-Skinned Men! #blackdating #blackgirldating #blacklove #blackwomendatingtips #singleblackwoman #singleblackwoman #blackwomanhood #femininityforblackwomen #blackdatingadvice ♬ original sound – Anwar White
Needless to say, this upset a few men.
So the query becomes, what is one of the best ways for black women and men to search out authentic dating advice in a place of affection and authenticity? Evidence of this query comes from a recent query from a woman on the r/Blackladies subreddit.
Reddit users sympathized with the lady and said the most effective advice comes from individuals who live what they preach.
“Honestly, my favorite dating advice comes from healthy couples. Not some ‘coach’,” said one Reddit user.
“I would only seek advice from someone you trust and take online advice with a pinch of salt. There is nothing right or wrong with dating,” replied one other.
“People on the internet are just people on the internet,” one other Reddit user added. “You need to find people who know you and people you have dated who can give you detailed and appropriate advice.”
Lifestyle
Quick but sentimental: last-minute Black Mother’s Day finds
Good things take time – and sometimes the very best gift ideas come on the last minute. Fortunately, the era of Amazon Prime and expedited shipping got here and saved the day – or, on this case, Mother’s Day. Although extravagant gifts will undoubtedly be appreciated, it’s the sentiment, care, love and thought put into the gift that basically appeals to moms. Whether it’s a home made card stuffed with heartfelt words, an easy gesture of spending time together, or an item they do not know they need, these gestures often carry more weight than any fancy gift. After all, Mother’s Day is a celebration of the unbreakable bond between a mother and her child(ren), and essentially the most precious gifts are those who speak volumes in regards to the depth of this special bond.
Sweet July leather
Give your mother the gift of self-care Ayesha Curry’s sweet July skin. Inspired by her Caribbean heritage, the soon-to-be mother of 4 began her skincare brand to share a number of the natural skincare remedies and recipes her mother and grandmother taught her while growing up. On the occasion of Mother’s Day, enrich your mother’s care rituals with Sweet July Skin’s essential kit ($120) Or face towel set ($38).
Soulcare keys
Remind mom to handle herself as a “whole person” with: Soulcare keys gift set. With the assistance of dermatologists, mother-of-two Alicia Keys created a line of skincare products with gentle, effective formulas that provide nourishment and care. As ancient and modern ingredients mix to satisfy the needs of the skin, the affirmations on each beautifully packaged product nurture the soul, reminding users to create small moments to empower themselves.
All priced from $24 to $56 Key Soulcare Mother’s Day gift sets can be found on Amazon.
Featured Stories
CRUX x Ghetto Gastro devices (CRUXGG).
Created in partnership with Black-owned culinary collective Ghetto Gastro, the CRUXGG collection devices goals to raise and have a good time black culture. Equipped with air fryers, frying pans, bread makers and more, the appliance pod is suitable for culinary experts and beginners alike.
Upgrade your mom’s countertop with CRUXGG available at Target.
Coco and Breezy glasses
Help your mom unleash her self-expression with Coco and Breezy Gender-specific glasses designed with designers in mind. Founded by twin sisters Coco and Breezy Dotson, the Black-owned luxury eyewear company goals to make everyone feel seen and appreciated. From optical frames to sunglasses, each unisex frame is “created to highlight and enhance each wearer’s unique essence.”
Buy Coco and Breezy glasses with fast delivery on the web site Nordstrom AND Amazon.
Ubuntu Life weekend bag
Inspired by the African philosophy “I am because we are”, Free life offers high-quality products handmade by African craftswomen in Kenya. Give your mother certainly one of the brand’s best-selling handbags and purses, made with love from the homeland. Additionally, gifting an Ubuntu Life product not only shows your like to the recipient, but also to mothers and ladies in Kenya, as every purchase helps support their community.
Buy a chunk of your homeland with Ubuntu Life for Mother’s Day Amazon.
Lifestyle
The ultimate gift guide for black people on Mother’s Day
This 12 months, BLACK ENTERPRISES celebrates moms and supports black-owned brands. Mother’s Day is fast approaching, so there is no such thing as a time left to seek out a gift that she is going to really like.
No matter what your black mom likes, from candles to cocktails or anything like that, TO BE knows the businesses you possibly can pick from to present your mother the proper gift. Black-owned jewelers and tea purveyors offer selections that mom might be happy with, including homewares and celebrity clothing that will suit her style. Perhaps you would turn into the favourite child, at the least for sooner or later.
For those that are still wondering what to purchase for mom, TO BE are you covered. Here are seven Black-owned beauty, designer and alcohol brands to purchase as the very best Mother’s Day gift.
Bolé road textiles
Bolé Road combines its owner’s Ethiopian heritage with high-quality fabrics that turn home essentials into family heirlooms. From pillow sets to blankets, mom can decorate her home knowing that these pieces have cultural resonance for the Black diaspora. His website he also boasts a gifts section with colourful elements that may make your special mother’s day more nice.
54 Thrones
Buttery smooth skin? Who would not want that!? 54 Thrones has entered the main leagues with Sephora because of its wealthy ingredients sourced from Africa. Its dietary formulas are a mix of 54 countries, which inspired its name. You may easily gift Oprah’s favorite item, a Deluxe tin from the African Butter collection, fit for a black queen.
Aama’s house
If your mom loves fashion, look no further than House of Aama. The brand is there currently enabled height, worn by black celebrities like Chloe Bailey on magazine covers. The luxury clothing line offers colourful silhouettes and progressive designs that mothers can save for a special day or a fun night out. Her partnerships also include Target and Free People, making her a growing and accessible force within the industry.
Jayid Che Tea
Jayida Ché, which implies “good tea” in Arabic, is a tea shop run by a black Muslim woman based in Atlanta. Its owners concentrate on tea blends that promote well-being from the within. Tea subscriptions and bundle packs may additionally help mother also organizes probably the most wonderful tea parties. Sipping good tea is Jayide Che’s mantra, and mom is bound to seek out a flavor she likes.
Sorel’s alcohol
Speaking of sips, Sorel is the proper purchase in case your mom enjoys making cocktails. This artisanal drink combines Moroccan hibiscus, Nigerian ginger and other flavors from world wide. create this special bottle. It goals to reclaim resources utilized in the spice trade so as to add an intoxicating twist to the classic Caribbean drink.
Harlem Candle Co.
Calling all candle lovers! If you are looking for expertly crafted candles with progressive scents inspired by its namesake city, Harlem Candle Company is here. From luxurious 22k gold James Baldwin candles to Harlem Heroines sets, these candles carry a bit Black history of their wicks. The Mother’s Day collection also pays tribute to Black motherhood, including a gift box created for mothers.
Kua Projects
A Black-owned lifestyle brand that has every little thing and is socially responsible? Say less. Kua Designs offers big selection handmade jewelry, in addition to handbags and clothing inspired by the African diaspora. A gift from this Ghanaian brand won’t only make a mother’s heart pleased, but will even support the Kua Cares initiative for women with visual impairments.
Lifestyle
Watch: A holistic approach to mental health | Life hacks
Holistic therapy is defined as therapy that affects the mind, body and spirit. In this Life Hacks segment, LeNaya Smith Crawford, holistic educator and mental health expert, licensed therapist, holistic healer, and wellness CEO, sheds light on her mental health journey and the way a holistic approach has helped her along the way in which .
Check out more Life Hacks here.
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