Entertainment
On Rapsody’s “Loose Rocks” and the Remorse of an Alzheimer’s Survivor — Andscape
September 13 on ESPN was mine “Rhapsody moment.” Talking about my mother, who has Alzheimer’s, on national television for the first time was cathartic. It was also directly inspired by the North Carolina MC and her song “Loose rocks”, which deals with dementia, a form of Alzheimer’s disease.
Rhapsody said that “(allowing) myself to be human” was a brand new, out-of-body experience on her deeply personal recent album, y. But the quaver in her voice on this song was all too familiar.
“,” she told her Aunt Dale, whom she calls her “second mother” in the song.
“I remember when I was myself,” my mother told me last week. “I just don’t know how to be myself.”
As we have fun World Alzheimer’s Day, the emotions expressed in these two quotes are part of my life story.
On “Loose Rocks,” the Snow Hill, North Carolina native peels back the layers of her aunt Dale’s dementia diagnosis. “She raps, ‘In the hundreds of conversations I’ve had with my mother since her diagnosis, this is her greatest fear. She forgets a lot these days, but she doesn’t forget the things she’s most afraid of losing. There will come a day when she doesn’t recognize who I am. When she doesn’t remember everything we’ve been through as a parent and a child. But most importantly, when she doesn’t remember the grandchildren and daughter-in-law she’s always prayed for. It’s hard to know what to say when these conversations come up, and honestly, I haven’t figured it out yet. I don’t know if I ever will, because how do you tell the person in charge of your life that the very essence of who they are won’t be a memory? They’ll never know they ever existed.’”
“Loose Rocks” isn’t an exact replica of my life. But the anger, sadness, and fear expressed in the song are only as palpable. At some point in the past two years, becoming a parent, essentially my mother, became an inevitable part of my life. Paying bills, scheduling doctor’s appointments, filing taxes, talking to lawyers to rearrange wills—it’s hard to assume all of that becoming a component of life. And yet, it’s even harder to assume life without it.
She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of days before Christmas last 12 months, and symptoms began appearing no less than two years earlier. The consensus I’ve gotten from countless individuals who have reached out to me since this piece is that their family members have lived with the disease for 4 to seven years. How much time do I even have left with my mother? How do I prepare for the emotional burden when it inevitably gets worse? How do I live in a moment after I can’t stop serious about the whole thing? And what did she do to deserve this? These are only a snapshot of the questions that paralyze me day by day.
My mother’s stroke and automotive accident were clear signs. I’ll all the time imagine that the quarantine and the coronavirus pandemic did irreversible damage. She kept saying, “I feel different.” Or, “Something is wrong. I just don’t know what.” A natural extrovert, she was forced into isolation. That isolation modified the woman who raised me. Physically, it’s still there. But looking into her eyes, you may see it is a woman fighting to carry on to the pride that made her who she was — but it surely’s a disease that feeds on itself, emotionally crippling her patients and family members. She can still do some tasks on her own, and her commitment to, as she says, “beating this thing” is inspiring. Her indecision is painful now. Her confidence sometimes ebbs and flows by the hour. We communicate day by day via FaceTime, phone calls, and texts. But seeing her misspelled words, especially after spending her life as a teacher, creates a burden that may’t be ignored. The image of him sitting at the kitchen table practicing writing along with his left hand is burned into my brain. Writing with the “non-active” hand helps with cognitive function, or so the doctors tell us.
My parents divorced in 1988, and from there my mother and I moved to my grandmother’s house in central Virginia. They have lived together ever since. At 93, my grandmother, who resides with breast cancer, is quick to inform me that she doesn’t have one other 93 years ahead of her. She recently returned from the hospital after a gentle stroke that she doesn’t remember. My grandmother continuously jogs my memory about the checking account she arrange that may pay for her funeral and burial costs, and “whatever is left, you’ll make the best decision.”
Like RhapsodyMy father and I never had a relationship. I wore our lack of connection almost like a badge of honor. The feeling was greater than mutual, if he didn’t need a relationship with me. Lately, though, I felt offended and resentful.
My mother all the time tells me she’s afraid of being alone. In the future, I’ll sell the house I grew up in and move her into an assisted living facility. I’m wondering what that may do to her Alzheimer’s. Will it speed it up? Will it slow it down? But the query I ask most frequently is pointless. Why did my father’s actions a long time ago ultimately leave my mother alone in a spot she doesn’t know?
The questions we cannot answer are the most difficult.
2023 study by the University of Exeter and King’s College London examined the impact of the pandemic on the brain health of people over the age of 50. Published in the journal, the study found that older people’s memory deteriorated significantly in the first 12 months of the pandemic (and even after quarantine), regardless of whether or not they had contracted the virus. The study found that cognitive decline was exacerbated by aspects reminiscent of loneliness and depression.
During the pandemic, my mother continuously spoke about how lonely she felt and how often she cried about not having the ability to see her family. As an outgoing and extroverted one who was all the time shuttling between Washington, D.C., Virginia, and wherever her beloved South Carolina State Bulldogs were playing football, the change in lifestyle during the lockdown did irreversible damage to my mother.
The most crippling reality of Alzheimer’s/dementia is the stripping away of an individual’s dignity. The person isn’t who they’re or who they may eventually change into. My mother struggles to take care of the independence she has proudly carried throughout my life. But the effects are visible. In the same conversation where she asks the same query five times in five minutes—like when her next therapist appointment is, or when my daughter’s birthday is so she will write it down on her phone—she may offer you the lyrics to her favorite Luther Vandross song or anything related to her college alumni chapter.
I took her and my son to the Children’s Museum of Richmond this summer. She did nothing but push a stroller while her grandson played with toys, but the joy in her eyes jogged my memory of the woman I’ve all the time loved. As we drove home, she said, “Thank you for making me feel like a real grandma today. I needed this more than you know. I know I won’t get to do it again, so I appreciate it.” That positivity didn’t fade even when she got a phone call a short time later and was told she needed a checkup for her surgery the week before. In that moment, all she wanted was the peace she’d spent years trying to find. Alzheimer’s would eventually rob her of that feeling, but not then. That smile on her face is something I’ll always remember.
What is so bad is how Alzheimer’s takes away time. This stress has affected every part of my life, including marriage and parenting. The conversation with my friend on Wednesday might have been God speaking through her.
“Justin, knowing what I know about your personality, you can’t be everyone’s Superman,” she told me. “You’ll break down and it’ll take years to get back on your feet. You can’t afford that luxury with kids. Or marriage. Because they remember you the way they remember you.”
In a world dominated by Alzheimer’s, being here and now is difficult because I’m clinging to the past. The woman she was once. The relationship we had before all the things turned the other way up. The life she fantasized about but never knew. But it isn’t fair. Not to me, my children, my wife, and even my mother. What matters is the future. I can not lose my mother and family to Alzheimer’s. She would never forgive me for that.
I still have not come to terms together with her diagnosis and there is a likelihood I never will. Her love stays the same, but I see that the disease is already taking away the one one who has known me longer than I even have known myself.
Every day, every hour, with one and all, this type of emotional theft is depressingly fruitful. Money is all the time needed, but somewhere along the way we realize that experiences are the strongest currency. Experiences create memories, and that’s all we will take with us.
It’s hard to say whether “Loose Rocks” will likely be the best song of 2024. But I can say that there probably won’t be a more essential song to me. This song makes me take into consideration what was, what’s now, and what could occur in the next few years. I could never have imagined a world where my mother couldn’t be the grandmother she all the time embodied, and that’s a reality I struggle with each day. In life, we control the things we will control and let all the things else play out the way it does. I can’t control my mother’s Alzheimer’s the same way Rapsody can’t control her aunt’s dementia. “Loose Rocks” isn’t only a painful song. It’s a stupendous song. But it’s also a reminder of responsibility and blessings.
If we’re lucky, we will see our parents get older. Visits mean more, and phone calls change into ornaments that we supply with us for the rest of our lives. Nothing in life is fair or free, because even happiness has its price.
Cover notes
Entertainment
Erykah Badu attacked, reignites fire for Beyoncé fans after calling out Jay Z and accusing the singer of stealing her style
The buzz of swarming bees is music to Erykah Badu’s ears, which also includes real insects and fiercely loyal followers who pledge their allegiance to Beyoncé.
As for speculative fans, each women consider Texas their home state, but there isn’t any semblance of a relationship between them. They have evolved into one of the most unsuspecting rivals in music over the last yr, largely as a result of Badu several times attacking the “Beautiful Liar” singer’s creative integrity, or perceived lack thereof.
On multiple occasion, the Neo-Soul star saw her comments crammed with bee emojis, marking an all-out digital attack from the BeyHive, angered by her snubbing Beyoncé.
A number of months after his last sting, Badu asks one query: “Where is the hive now?” He appeared on Halloween episode “The Breakfast Club,” where hosts DJ Envy, Charlamagne tha God, and guest Lauren LaRosa didn’t hesitate to ask the artist if she was being targeted by her modern fans.
“I haven’t seen BeyHive in a long time. And I love bees,” she replied shyly. “They do not know I prefer it. I like bees. This is my totem… They will tear me to pieces.
In 2023, Badu angered countless members of the hive when she derisively remarked that she was “everyone’s stylist” while showing photos of herself and Beyoncé wearing similarly large, metallic, wide-brimmed hats.
The global pop star was on the Renaissance Tour at the time and recurrently used the accessory as part of her stage costume collection, although the look harks back to her time on the Lemonade Tour in 2016.
When Badu faced backlash for the comment, she hopped on Twitter to call for support. “To JAY Z. Say something to Jay. You left, you let that woman and those bees do this to me?”
To Jay Z. Say something, Jay. You left, you let that woman and those bees do that to me? 😆 pic.twitter.com/oxNhNgvfWp
— ErykahBadoula (@fatbellybella) March 20, 2024
When asked about the intentions behind her decision to involve Jay-Z, Beyoncé’s husband, in the fight, the Dallas native replied that it was all a joke. “I don’t know why people take everything so seriously. It’s just my sense of humor. I love Jay,” she joked.
Badu said earlier Standard that BeyHive never gave her the opportunity to offer context to her tweet. Instead, she was “guilty before it started.”
However, the murmurs about suspected rift between the women became louder when Badu once more fueled the rumors by slamming Beyoncé for wearing Fulani braids in the cover of her “Country Carter” album.
Badu has worn the same hairstyle over the years and others throughout her profession. On The Breakfast Club, she selected her words fastidiously when she noticed her peers taking the same approach.
“Even though we love our art, it doesn’t belong to us once it comes to light… You can’t decide what people do with art. You can’t decide if they’re going to replicate it, do a different interpretation, or just enjoy it or use it as inspiration. It can’t be done, but there is no need to remain silent about it,’ she said. Badu added: “If it makes you feel any way, you should say something about it.”
Andre 3K if he hears screams like that from her, he might give Erykah an aneurysm https://t.co/2YkzCagTA5
— Can I tag you @Sethrogen? (@MrsKhandiCoated) April 2, 2024
The response to the interview was: “Badu is not mocking Beyhive trolling.” Someone else said her comments prove she’s jealous of Beyoncé. Although one other person suggested: “He’s weirdly obsessed with her.”
Another viewer wrote that the women’s dispute involved a 3rd party. “It’s about André 3000,” he said. André 3000 and Badu dated over twenty years ago and share a son. He collaborated with Beyoncé and even gained recognition when she received the Innovator Award at the 2024 iHeart Awards.
Entertainment
Gayle King slams Megan Thee Stallion, calling her a ‘slut’ after confessing she lied about her relationship with Tory Lanez
Gayle King is not concerned after hearing Megan Thee Stallion call her a “bitch” within the Prime rapper’s latest documentary “Megan Thee Stallion: In Her Words.”
In a latest Instagram video, the “CBS Mornings” host immediately responded, saying, “Hey, I’m sitting here minding my very own business. People contact me and say, “Hey Gayle, Megan Thee Stallion just called you a bitch.”
“I do know you are expecting me, or possibly you’re thinking that I even have something negative to say. I do not. I even have nothing but great, great love and respect for Megan Thee Stallion. I’m at all times rooting for her,” King added, before turning to what she considers more necessary topics, equivalent to the 2024 election next week.
Fans responded to King’s message, defending the “Savage” rapper. Two said, “She didn’t mean it that way,” and “She said the word b—tch out of endearment, but clearly didn’t admit that Meg had lied to her.”
A 3rd fan scolded the 29-year-old for calling King by name: “I’m sorry, no matter what context she said, respect your elders… it was inappropriate and disrespectful.”
In a documentary that aired on Halloween, Megan Thee Stallion gives fans insight into her personal thoughts and feelings following the rapper’s sentencing Tory Lanez. Lanez was found guilty of three felony charges in 2022 following a 2020 shooting incident that left Megan shot within the foot.
After the controversial and widely discussed trial, the “Hot Girl” coach had a one-on-one interview on “CBS Mornings,” during which King asked her if she was intimate with Lanez.
Megan denied it on the time, but almost eight months later, during her testimony in court, she confessed that she and Lanez were close.
At the time, a lot of Lanez’s supporters and Megan’s haters took this confession as ammunition and justification for his or her claims that Megan was falsely accusing Lanez of shooting her too.
In the document, she truthfully explained why she lied to King within the interview. She said, “Fuck yeah. I lied to Gayle King, bitch. First of all, I don’t know if this female dog even wanted to ask me this shit. I thought we were going to talk about this shooting. Why are you asking me about fucking Tory? That’s not what this is about.”
The “Bigger In Texas” artist continued, “Even if I… fucked that nigga once, possibly twice on a drunken night. You kept knocking me out of my fucking mind.
Megan Thee Stallion admits she lied to Gayle King about sleeping with Tory Lanez in her latest documentary. pic.twitter.com/5jimgmR5Gm
— 〽️ (@drizzyys) October 31, 2024
Megan’s second confession is now causing backlash from fans who imagine Tory is, the truth is, innocent. Many people imagine that Megan’s former best friend, Kelsey Nicole – who was present on the time of the shooting – was the actual wrongdoer within the situation and imagine that she was the one who pulled the trigger on Megan.
Prior to the incident, Kelsey was also romantically involved with the Toronto resident, which many imagine sparked an argument between the three of them in a automobile that resulted in Megan being shot in the summertime of 2022.
Lanez is currently serving a 10-year sentence and plans to appeal his case while maintaining his innocence.
One of Lanez’s representatives released a statement to TMZ in response to the video wherein Megan admits to lying. They said: “The fact that Megan lied about her sexual relationship with Tory clearly makes her an unreliable witness. If someone lies to millions of people, how can you trust what they say next time?”
Entertainment
Roy Wood Jr. explains why he left “The Daily Show”
Roy Wood Jr. was on the short list of people that could develop into host of “The Daily Show” after Trevor Noah. Many people guessed or assumed that he would eventually get the job. One day, Wood announced that he was leaving this system. Why? We enter “Masters of the Game”, which is now streaming on theGrio platform.
There is quite a bit to this story, but let me provide you with the shortened version. Every time I hear a few black person voluntarily leaving their job, I feel anxious. Can we actually ensure there will probably be one other one??? Maybe I’m silly, but anxiety should not be logical. But I asked Wood why he left, and his most vital point was this: he needed to be in charge of his future. He was on The Daily Show waiting for them to make a call, and that meant putting his future in other people’s hands. He desired to be the captain of the ship that was his profession.
Wood told me he left his job not knowing what lay ahead. I love the courage he showed. Leaving a job without knowing where you are going takes courage, especially while you’re a parent. I also admire his persistence in controlling his profession. We often rush to do what we were hired to do as a substitute of attempting to create a situation where we do what we would like. Wood has built his skilled life around doing what he wants. Not everyone can do that, but there at the moment are more tools that can help you try. Just take heed to Wood discuss leaving “The Daily Show” and see what you concentrate on yourself and your job. Don’t miss Wood on “Masters of the Game,” now streaming on theGrio.
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