A therapist on how to survive the holiday season on your own

An vital purpose of the holidays is the opportunity to spend time with family and family members. And even though it sounds beautiful, the holidays don’t look the same for everybody and don’t evoke the same emotions. Depending on the circumstances, this season can bring up loads of emotions that may have a negative impact on your mental health.

According to USmany individuals have difficulties during the holidays. A 2021 study found that 3 in 5 people in the U.S. consider this time of yr has a negative impact on their mental health. Although the causes may vary, people can feel anxious, sad and lonely during a time that must be crammed with joy. With so many aspects that may lower our mood slightly than improve it, it is important to concentrate to what could also be triggering these feelings and find ways to take care of them. Licensed therapist and founder Wellness Club for Mothers MomologyAna’Neicia Williams, DSW, LCSW, understands how difficult the holiday season could be for people.

“There are three themes that come up around the holidays. There is sadness, boundaries and traditions. “Whether people are empty nesters, a loved one has died, or you’re feeling the pressure of the ‘matching pajamas’ you see on social media, people are starting to over-analyze their own situation, which can cause anxiety and stress,” Williams says.

And doing it alone can exacerbate these feelings. Many people will undergo Thanksgiving and Christmas alone due to loss, because their circumstances have modified, or because they usually are not romantically involved. Williams shares what she believes is her best advice on how to take care of these scenarios in order that this time of yr is fun, not hard.

Family matters

Quincy Black*, Chicago-based lifestyle blogger and founder Traveling with Quincyknows what it’s like to have traditions at home. But once her son left the nest, the holidays began to look different. As a girl in her 40s, Black hopes to strengthen her relationship along with her now adult son and find recent ways to enjoy the season.

“At first I felt guilt and shame about the holidays. Just when I thought I was doing everything right, I learned from my son that I had imposed these expectations on him. He stopped talking to me after the first year when he moved. I also helped raise my brother’s children and nieces and cultivated other parental relationships that I didn’t have with my own child. So I had to work on it during therapy,” she says. “This time last year, I was on holiday with my youngest niece and had barely spoken to my son. Fortunately, I have a better relationship with him.”

She adds: “Since I’ve been home alone, I’ve been focusing on enjoying new hobbies and doing more self-care activities to help me ease the anxiety and feeling of being childless over the holiday season.”

Williams recommends that vacant nesters like Black acknowledge that they feel sad. When you concentrate on children who’ve moved, they could create their own traditions with family, friends or a possible romantic partner. Parents can use this as a possibility to create an open invitation for his or her children to spend time at home during the holidays. Or, like Black, they could prioritize trying recent hobbies which will ultimately create a brand new tradition they love.

“If we wish to go further, if you will have experienced a divorce and there are kids involved, that can be a bit difficult. It’s about solving problems and at the same time learning to coexist together,” Williams says. “You may not be in the home where you raised your children. The main goal is to provide parents with childcare at the center. Therefore, communication is really important and in line with the ultimate goal. It’s about redefining what family looks like for everyone.”

Lonely and searching

Briannon Kelley, a Los Angeles PR skilled who has enjoyed a successful profession, remembers what could be missing during the holiday season. While being single is not a foul thing, growing up in a family that values ​​marriage could make anyone feel concerned about their relationship status during this time.

“This holiday season shall be the first time shortly that I’ll see my whole family in a single place! I turned 30 in October and I’m looking forward to talking about love and family,” she says. “My parents have been married for over 40 years. I’m the youngest of 5 siblings, and all 4 of my siblings are married. The holidays bring up loads of emotions and hopes for what would occur if and what could occur.

It also doesn’t help that her family members are asking her about her relationship status, or lack thereof, as Thanksgiving and Christmas approach.

“I often get asked questions like, ‘Are you bringing someone home?’ or “No suitors in Los Angeles?” “The pressure to perform and live up to expectations has all the time been an element of my life, and these days I’ve noticed it creeping into my approach to my love life,” notes Kelly. “Even though I have worked hard to achieve success in many areas – career, personal development and self-discovery – love is the one aspect of my life that feels incomplete.”

He adds: “My parents set a beautiful example of what a fruitful and lasting relationship should look like. I saw their love reflected in my siblings’ marriages and even in the strength my two siblings found after their divorce. So I pray for you to build a love that will stand the test of time and leave a legacy for future generations. That’s why every year I can’t decide which holiday to go home for, knowing that my choice has not only logistical but also emotional significance. I want to show my family how much they mean to me and I hope that who I have become and what I have achieved will make them proud of me.”

As the pressure to be in a romantic relationship increases during the holiday season, Williams advises singles to step back and ask themselves in the event that they really need to be in a relationship or if they simply feel like they must be in a single. “So you’re feeling pressured to have a romantic relationship because you will have this end game where you would like to be in a relationship. But possibly it is not even your reality and what you would like, but you’ve got been conditioned to consider it,” Williams explains.

If you’re thinking that you would like a relationship and are still dating, you possibly can rely on companionship during the holidays until you discover a partner. Williams knows that many friends create space for themselves during Friends Day events or decorate their homes for Christmas. So it’s helpful to connect with your community to help take care of feelings of isolation or abandonment.

Coping with loss

Venise Blow, a 33-year-old Chicago resident, has been getting used to experiencing the holiday season on her own for several years now. After losing each of her parents, she finds recent ways to enjoy this time of yr, including connecting along with her clan.

“I think this is an experience that a lot of people go through or eventually will go through,” Blow says. “Growing up, I never would have thought that by the time I was 30, I wouldn’t have either of my parents. Sadness comes in waves before and after the holidays. But I think, especially as the holidays approach, you start to mourn the life and experiences you thought you would have.”

She continues: “I was very close to my mother’s side of the family. And now that I’m older, I feel like they’ve faded into the background. I don’t think it was intentional. I think because I’m an adult, they think, “Oh, she understood.” She’s good. So it can be a bit isolating unless you’re intentional about your connections. I want to say that over the last five years I have really gravitated towards the family and friends I have chosen.”

Williams counsels those that experience loss and encourages them to give themselves grace. There isn’t any deadline to come to terms with loss. But if you’re ready to accept a vacation without your loved one, there are little things you possibly can do to make it a bit easier.

“When we now have relatives or people who find themselves now not on this earth, you will have moments where you look down at the table and keep in mind that person isn’t any longer here. So it’s helpful for people to work out how they need to remember these people. Are you making a recent tradition? Or possibly you decorate the Christmas tree with royalty decorations? Either way, don’t rush into this sadness. It could also be a yr or 15 years after the loss and the loss should affect someone. When you are ready, go for things that can make you’re feeling higher, says Williams.

How to prepare

If you would like to prepare for these intense feelings, Williams encourages people to ask self-reflective questions. Based on your answers, you’ll gain more clarity on how it is best to approach what must be a time of joy.

“I encourage you to ceaselessly journal with individuals. But some people do not like writing, so I counsel you to use voice notes on your phone too, where you possibly can record yourself. The first query is: what feelings do the holidays make me feel? The second query is: where do I feel them in my body? If we are able to evaluate ourselves and acknowledge what is going on on, I believe that is the first step,” Williams says. “The third query is: What am I trying to portray to others about myself during the holidays? This goes back to social media and the judgment that sometimes comes into this comparison.

He adds: “The last question we can ask ourselves is: what do I imagine for the holidays? You can say, “I want to experience joy.” I want to be focused around people, or maybe I want to have peace, and for me the holidays are a time of isolation and loneliness. Really imagine the holiday season and what you want for yourself without the expectations of what others may place on you. Reflecting and understanding our sense of self can help us choose what we want to see on our vacation.”