I Never Knew How Much I Could Hate the Word Popsicle: A Summer Vacation Monologue

Shortly after schools closed during the 2020 pandemic, I discovered that my kids were ravenous. Not in a charitable sense, but I discovered that despite sending my kids to highschool with just a few snacks, lunch, and drinks, to my surprise, they didn’t have enough food. I discovered the way many parents have: our youngsters ALWAYS needed a snack at home. It felt like my life was on an countless 15-minute snack-begging loop.

“Can I have something to eat?”

The word snack began to harass me. How could my kids be hungry all the time? It got to the point where I asked other parents if the same thing was happening of their homes and to my great surprise, yes, it was. Kids were ravenous throughout the country (allegedly). I began to hate the word “snack” a lot that I tried to think about other words my kids could use to ask for small, indirect edible snacks. Nothing stuck (I can’t have my kids exit and ask for edible snacks) and my eyes twitched as my kids slowly approached me because I knew what was coming. I hated the word snack. I had heard it too repeatedly.

It’s now 2024, and the word Popsicle is attempting to overtake the word snack as my least favorite word in the English language. My kids are asking for Popsicles at an incessant rate. And I don’t get it. Sure, everyone loves Popsicles. The frozen treat hits especially hard on a hot summer day. This summer in Washington (where I live) has been nothing but hot; we’ve been under a heat advisory almost every single day for the past three weeks. My kids are hot, and Popsicles are a simple, flavorful treat.

Lifestyle

They also ask for Popsicles whether or not they’ve gone outside or not. My home is fully air conditioned so it is not hot and so they still want Popsicles. They want Popsicles for breakfast and if that does not work, for breakfast. Lunch and dinner are the same. When they don’t seem to be doing anything or doing something, they need Popsicles and ask for them 24/7. My youngest wakes up at 7am and asks for Popsicles and gets upset that he cannot get them. They ask for them before they go to bed. It’s a Popsicle bonanza all day, every single day.

My older kids, God bless them, have been attempting to be more strategic since they noticed that their father’s head was about to blow up once they asked. What is their strategy? It is to sneak them past me or my wife. As far as they’re concerned, in the event that they don’t ask, they do not get it. To them, which means they don’t seem to be asking for as much, so we needs to be more willing to offer out ice cream once they do ask. It doesn’t matter that my wife and I can see the count and the variety of ice creams in the freezer decreasing, although my 3-year-old is the just one asking all the time. Kids think they’re so smart.

I thought possibly it was just my house, so I asked other parents in my circle and ice cream appeared to be the wave this summer. Sure, it is usually the wave in the summer, but there will need to have been some kids’ meeting where some council of little individuals who haven’t any jobs or responsibilities but still think crayons are reasonable writing utensils decided that summer 2024 can be the summer of ice cream.

(No kidding, as I write this, one in every of my kids got here down from the upstairs playroom to ask me for a popsicle. Oh my. He got here out with two. I don’t think he thought I saw him.)

So now I cannot stand that word. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of it. I never need to hear that word again. I do not have an ice cream counter, but I’m pretty sure we have bought about 1,000,000 since school resulted in mid-June. We’re a month into summer vacation, and I think my home is keeping the ice cream industry alive. That means I hear the word “Ice Cream” a great 50-100 times a day, give or take just a few dozen. My kids get up with ice cream on their minds and convey those cravings right to me, and so they’ve made me hate the word Ice Cream just as much, if no more, than the snack in addition they proceed to ask for at an outrageous rate.

My eye has been twitching lots currently.