We talked to young people about sexual consent. They understand the concept, but they don’t always ask in the moment

For several years now, sexual consent has been a serious topic of interest in Australia.

In early 2022, the federal government ordered in-school learning with students’ consent. This includes information about what consent is and the way to ensure a consensual relationship.

Across Australia, 4 states (Victoria, New South Wales, Queensland and Tasmania) and the Australian Capital Territory have now adopted affirmative consent laws. Although the exact wording of the regulations varies by jurisdiction, affirmative consent may be defined as the need for “each person involved in a sexual act to take steps to say or do something to determine whether the other person(s) involved consents to the sexual act.”

There were also vital campaigns, e.g Have no doubts campaign in New South Wales to educate about secure, enjoyable and consensual sex.

One of the challenges with sexual consent education is determining the way it translates into real-life situations. As part broader research In searching for to answer this query, we wanted to understand how young heterosexual men and girls understand and practice consent.

Our latest study found that although participants mostly understood the concept of affirmative consent, they didn’t always put it into practice on the spur of the moment.

Understanding sexual consent

Our study included a mixed group of 44 men and girls aged 18 to 35 who were in a relationship, dating or single. We talked to them in focus groups and presented a wide range of heterosexualities sexual consent vignettes (scenarios) to discuss.

We wanted to understand how participants thought characters should take care of such situations and the way they would take care of such scenarios themselves. The scenarios were designed to be somewhat ambiguous and didn’t provide a transparent, correct answer.

An example of a vignette we used was Julia and Marek. They meet for drinks on their first date and there is robust chemistry between them. They find yourself at Julia’s, where she tells him that she wants to take it slow and won’t have sex that night. They start kissing and they each start shedding layers of garments. Mark hesitates, unsure whether to proceed, and Julia is unsure how to signal her interest in other sorts of intimacy after establishing a boundary.

In addition to the vignettes, we asked participants to share, amongst other things, their understanding of the concept of consent and their thoughts on gender expectations related to dating and sex.

Participants demonstrated a full understanding of consent practices in line with the affirmative consent framework. This includes understanding that each one parties are responsible with the consent of all parties involved. Danny, a 23-year-old man, said:

It’s like equal responsibility in my eyes.

Participants also noted that easy, open communication combined with consistent verbal validation is very important. As Abigail, a 26-year-old woman, said:

Both parties need to actively engage and test boundaries over time.

Theory versus reality

Even though they appeared to understand the principles of affirmative consent, participants responded in a different way when presented with different scenarios. Instead of drawing attention to equal responsibility, most participants believed that in the scenarios men were answerable for obtaining consent and girls were answerable for giving it.

When discussing the scenarios, participants emphasized the need to avoid assumptions and encourage open communication. But this angle modified as we discussed personal experiences and sexual consent. In this case, participants expected their partners to understand typical boundaries during sexual encounters, suggesting a shared sense of what’s “normal.”

In fact, participants believed that following good sexual communication practices could reduce the pleasure of sexual encounters. Some admitted that although they knew the ideal approach, they didn’t always stick to it. As Alice, a 25-year-old woman, said:

Everything goes well and we make up after which it moves to the bedroom and the whole lot just seems to flow and I feel comfortable not necessarily having to openly have this conversation from time to time.

Lenore, a 28-year-old woman, said:

Sometimes a conversation can almost destroy the atmosphere, like when the moment is (…) really hot and passionate and also you’re giving all of them the signals and they’re providing you with all the signals, after which he said, “So I just want to hang out for a while.” contact you,’ and I used to be like, ‘Dude, come on, let’s just do it.’

Jeremy, a 34-year-old man, said:

I recurrently ask someone if they’re having time, , “are you okay,” “are you okay,” and the response I get is, “No, you ruined the moment,” which I discovered quite embarrassing when someone who firmly believes in ensuring that there’ll always be consent.

Participants also indicated that affirmative consent is more vital in some sexual situations than in others. Discussing certainly one of the vignettes, Lenore said:

It would really rely on what he (the character in the script) was trying, truthfully he sort of flipped me over and threw me right into a latest position, like, yes, do this. If he hit me in the face during sex without explaining it first, no. It depends entirely on what it’s and the way it is completed.

Implications

Our study is comparatively small and can’t be generalized to the wider Australian population. We also focused exclusively on consent in heterosexual relationships.

Nevertheless, our study provides some insight into how young men and girls may take care of consent during sex. The results don’t mean that education about sexual consent is ineffective. Rather, they point to a big gap between knowledge and application of this information.

Our findings also point to a broader and more complex issue: the need for a whole-of-society approach to rethinking sexual communication and consent. One in five women have experienced sexual violence, suggesting deeper problems with men’s entitlement and social attitudes towards women. Focusing on the consent of sexual partners is a technique to change attitudes.

Sexual encounters often involve complex layers of emotions and experiences influenced by culture, religion, and other aspects, with elements equivalent to shame, pleasure, joy, uncertainty, fear, and anxiety.

Understanding the complex variables that influence decision-making in these contexts is critical to creating educational resources that help people navigate sexual consent in a wide range of situations.