Are your expectations of girls unrealistic?

I often see a meme circulating online that claims something like this: “People will forget all the times you said yes and the one time you said no.” In other words, sometimes people forget all the nice you have done for them during your relationship when you may’t show up for them the best way they need you to. I often see this embodied in friendships between women.

All my reality TV fans have probably seen this occur in real time by watching shows like this or recently. We see the ladies within the forged undergo the ups and downs of life and get branded as “bad friends” when they can not show up during those valleys. If you are watching, you might remember the tragedy that Quad Webb experienced when her 3-year-old great-niece drowned in a pool in July 2023. After the very fact, the women accused her of being a friend for TV purposes only, meaning she showed up for a check-up but nothing more. This created tension along with her co-stars, who resented her presence in Season 10. They disagreed on their feelings, despite the fact that Webb also assured that she was going through some things that played a task in her distance, and that they may too call her phone. Nevertheless, throughout the show’s reunion special, she apologized to those she hurt.

Another example is Amara La Negra who went through this when the daddy of her child allegedly visited their twin daughters which led to the top of their relationship. She also had one other relationship that she made public, with Safaree Samuels, which broke up. These women were coping with difficult and traumatic life events, yet their friends expected them to find a way to work through these difficult experiences while being present to satisfy their needs.

I notice that it is a common problem in women’s friendships and I believe it must be assessed. Expecting your friends to continually make it easier to after they are falling apart is an unrealistic and selfish expectation. Besides, simply because someone doesn’t show up for you once you’re going through something does not imply they are a bad friend.

I do know this is tough for some to grasp because many of us have a skewed definition of what it means to be a friend. Our ideas of what it means to be a great girl are rooted in ideals about constant selflessness and sacrifice. May I add that these are values ​​that many of us attempt to unlearn (when an unhealthy imbalance occurs) in romantic relationships.

We simply can’t be all the things to everyone on a regular basis. And we shouldn’t aspire to that. We especially cannot be all the things to a friend when our cups are empty. Grieving the loss of a niece or coming to terms with the fact of being a single parent are real-life examples of when the cups are likely empty. If a friend doesn’t show as much as your event, doesn’t call as often as they used to, or doesn’t reply to your texts during a difficult season, that does not negate how over and over they showed up. I might also add that folks haven’t got to undergo difficult times to maintain their distance. Sometimes we just need time to listen to our own voice, and meaning not interacting with others as much. The best approach to cope with moments like these is to supply support from a distance, moderately than hanging around internally.

Friendship is not about counting how over and over your friends have visited you. Solid and loving friendships are built with grace and empathy. I might even argue that a friend who expects their loved one to be there for them on a regular basis is a so-called “bad” friend because this expectation takes no consideration under consideration. Sometimes people just have enough for themselves and a great friend should understand that.

Taking it a step further, a great friend should praise the opposite for refusing to satisfy his own needs; don’t make them feel guilty for needing to concentrate on themselves. We’re all for self-love until it looks as if someone cannot get their needs met because they’re busy meeting their very own. Contrary to what we now have been taught, being selfish and pouring ourselves out could be love and may give us the flexibility to like more.

Life held me captive at various times and through those seasons I used to be away from my friends. During a divorce or after I was battling depression after a miscarriage, I only had enough within the tank to get me through the day, so there was little energy left for anyone else. I’m eternally grateful for the chums who understood this, gave me space, and reached out to me as I attempted to like myself back into life. I’m a bit distant for the time being and might’t fully show up because I’m in a period of self-reflection and planting. But again, my solid friends understand this, and I understand back when our circumstances reverse.

If you get upset each time a friend doesn’t show up, evaluate your relationship with yourself and the way well you are meeting your own needs. Usually, after we love ourselves very much, what others do for us is a bonus and we do not feel as much resentment when people cannot be there for us in times when it’s probably not obligatory.

The way I see it, if all of us took the time to prioritize our needs and pour from full cups, there can be more overflow. Love would abound in our friendships and on the earth with somewhat more self-love, understanding, and charm. Ultimately, we might be higher girlfriends to one another.