Here are 7 signs of financial abuse to look out for when dating

Recently, star Mia Thornton announced that she is separating from her husband of over ten years, Gordon Thornton, in September 2023. In the eighth episode of the seventeenth season of the truth series, Thornton shared a shocking revelation about her owed funds to her husband during a couples therapy session where they discussed the trials and tribulations of their relationship and the the reason why she was considering divorce, stating that their relationship was “warlike”. During the session she said: “When I first hired a divorce lawyer, Gordon emptied my bank account to zero and said I couldn’t leave it. No man or woman should do this to anyone in an attempt to force them to stay; it’s insulting.”

Although they are not officially divorced, their separation has been successful and Thornton is clearly moving forward in her life, including being comfortable along with her recent lover.

Thornton’s discovery made me think in regards to the dangers of financial abuse in abusive relationships and the importance of spotting red flags. Ashley McGirt, a financial expert, says that detecting financial warning signs in relationships early is crucial to constructing a healthy and stable partnership. You can spot financial red flags by observing your spending habits and asking direct questions.

According to McGirt, here are some warning signs to watch out for:

Avoidance or secrecy regarding funds: If your partner is hesitant to discuss his or her financial situation and becomes defensive when the subject is brought up, this will likely indicate potential financial problems. Even if there are no financial problems, this will likely indicate resistance from a possible partner and a scarcity of transparency about including the partner in his or her funds.

Irresponsible spending habits: Constant overspending, maxed out bank cards, or frequent impulse purchases can signal a scarcity of financial discipline.

Reluctance to set financial goals: If your partner shows little interest in determining or planning for the longer term, it might indicate a scarcity of financial responsibility or long-term vision.

Bad credit history: While a less-than-perfect credit rating doesn’t necessarily mean someone is financially irresponsible, consistently poor credit or a history of bankruptcy could also be a cause for concern.

Dependence or financial connections with other people: If your partner relies heavily on members of the family or friends for financial support or is involved in questionable financial arrangements, this will likely indicate instability.

Here are some additional signs from Damona Hoffman, the creator of the book F. Bajka and relationship expert for Wise: :

Not serious about the longer term: Even if someone is in debt and doesn’t yet have assets for the longer term, they ought to be serious about their financial future in the event that they want to have a future with you. If they’ve debt, have they got a plan to pay it off? Do they get monetary savings for a rainy day or put money into their future with a 401K or other long-term savings account? The way someone thinks about their money is commonly reflected in the best way they date, so in the event that they seem to be living moment-to-moment with you, they may additionally be living moment-to-moment with their funds, and that might be a red flag , in case you are trying to invest with yourself in the longer term.

Request for money: I recently did a segment on The Drew Barrymore Show where I described the signs of “romance cheating.” Red flag #1 is that somebody wants to take your money, asks for money, especially at the start of a relationship. The typical pattern is that they may pursue you for 3-4 weeks after which start with a small request, similar to paying off your phone bill or sending you a debit card for a small amount. If you agree, the requests will increase and frequently their love bombing will increase accordingly, so you’re feeling that you just are deeply connected to them and you wish to help them. The moment someone you’ve got only dated or talked to for a short while asks for financial support, run! Don’t make excuses or try to fit the story.