The way a black therapist treats a cop in the movie “Love Is Blind”

During the reunion, one in every of the first things I noticed was that Clay Gravesande was sitting with a posture that told me he wanted to seem perfect, organized, and a man able to answer any query that got here his way regarding his television appearances and current relationship status with Amber Desiree Smith or “AD”. As a therapist specializing in men’s mental health, I wanted nothing greater than to leap through the screen and shake it. But even when he were sitting on my couch, I would not do it. Instead, I might ask him a quite simple, yet most complex query known to man: “How are you? How are you feeling today?”

My goal can be to bring Clay back to the present and assess his emotional state. I might reciprocate this energy if I used to be transparent about where I used to be emotionally (which I do when clients ask).

I imagine a reunion show may very well be in comparison with a “hot seat.” We, the public, criticized Clay and took part in collective surveillance. This makes him more self-aware than ever.

That said, the goal of men’s therapy is to create an environment where they know without a doubt that they’re entering a space that’s theirs. They have agreed to speculate trust, funds, and vulnerability in their mental and emotional health, and I can be irresponsible in the event that they didn’t feel comfortable enough to take off their shoes and chill out their shoulders.

Being vulnerable takes courage because then we allow ourselves to be seen.

As our meeting continued, I searched for various body signals that may inform the client’s response. In a world where men, especially men of color, should not all the time visible, the more comfortable we feel in the spaces we occupy, the more authentically we allow ourselves to be, thus creating opportunities for change.

One of my favorite moments is when a customer takes off their shoes. You see, taking off your shoes just isn’t only an expression of leisure after a long day, but additionally a sign that the customer can finally feel at home with their emotions in a space where they will process them.

I wish Clay and other men had a secure space to take off their shoes.

Clay’s subsequent journey impressed me greatly; from joining his married father on dates with other women to fearing AD fidelity. Like Clay, many men carry the weight of their past experiences into their relationships, impacting their ability to attach deeply and authentically with their partners.

Mental health might be uncharted territory for a lot of men and the individuals who love them and need them to hunt support. One session is not going to heal years of trauma or change the beliefs we now have held. It takes time, effort and, above all, willingness.

I’m well aware of the unique challenges men face relating to caring for their mental health. We live in a society that always expects men, especially Black men, to embody strength and resilience in any respect times, leaving little room for vulnerability and emotional expression. In my practice, I actually have seen firsthand how these social expectations can impact men’s mental well-being, especially in the context of romantic relationships.

When working with men, a good therapist is culturally aware of the impact of race, sexuality, social roles, and ego on the black man. Clay participated in this experiment to search out love, but his presence created a larger narrative: how men, especially black men, emerge in relationships through lived experiences.

Research says that 26% of men ages 18-44 will experience symptoms related to anxiety and depression in their lifetime, based on Clay, and only 12% will seek mental health help. Black male psychologists make up lower than 5% of mental health professionals. While this number is growing, lack of representation is a factor keeping men from looking for treatment services. Additionally, 64% of adults say they’ve experienced no less than one trauma in their lives. Emotional neglect and divorce or separation are two experiences discussed in the program and identified in the Adverse Childhood Experiences questionnaire.

I imagine in creating a space where men might be heard, seen and challenged.

As Clay’s therapist, I might approach his case with a combination of empathy, understanding, and cultural sensitivity. For Clay, the journey was a catalyst for self-discovery and growth. The three things I encourage him to all the time remember are:

1. Forgiveness just isn’t required, it’s chosen.
2. Accountability is important for change.
3. Help just isn’t only about going to therapy, but additionally about practicing sensitivity and acquiring the skills to develop various behaviors.

The goal of therapy is for men to find out what behavioral patterns they need to stop. Therapy can assist them make this decision and develop the ability to make lasting changes.

One of the first steps in creating a secure space for men like Clay is to challenge harmful stereotypes and expectations about masculinity and dispel the myth that strength means suppressing emotions and vulnerability. Instead, let’s have fun the courage it takes for men to face their innermost struggles. Moreover, we must hold men accountable for his or her actions and behaviors, while recognizing the systemic barriers that will prevent them from accessing the support they need.

I need to make it clear here that the seek for healing must begin with them. Although influences akin to family and partners may lead a person to hunt skilled support, self-will is required to face past traumas and be vulnerable with a partner.

But Clay’s story is only one example of the broader issues facing men’s mental health. We must proceed to amplify the voices of Black men and other marginalized communities by centering their experiences in conversations about mental health and well-being until they will be at liberty to take off their shoes.