Is a “sleep divorce” from your partner the answer to catching your Zzz’s?

“Sleep divorce,” nonetheless it could sound, doesn’t mean that quarreling spouses argue in separate rooms. Experts say this practice is more adaptable than it seems, and will be good for couples in the long term. “I’ve seen a lot of couples do this and it’s really benefited their relationship,” says Ebony Robinson, a licensed mental health counselor. She says it really works for couples “as long as both parties communicate about their needs and reasons for the change.”

According to A 2023 study by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. “Sleep-related divorce rates are likely to increase, especially considering brain health,” Asha Tarry, licensed social employee and CEO at Behavioral Health Consulting Services, tells ESSENCE.

So what exactly is that this practice?

What is a sleep divorce?

In a world of she throws and man caves, an increasing number of people crave personal space. Quitting sharing your bed with your full-time partner can aid you get well sleep quality. However, for many individuals, having your own sacred corner of the house that you simply share with your partner could be very different from having your own bed, which makes the concept somewhat controversial. “It feels like it still needs to be hidden because it’s being compared to the quote-unquote norm,” says licensed master social employee Shavon Terrell-Camper.

He believes that couples should do what suits their needs. “The most important thing is what works in your relationship and what will help you maintain well-being in the relationship for a long time,” he says.

Sleep divorce has been practiced for generations because before queen- and king-size beds, couples had two smaller beds in a single room. Think about shows like . “I remember as a child seeing my grandparents sleeping in different beds,” Tarry recalled. “They had 11 children.”

He continues, “We didn’t question it because we saw a lot of personal affection, we saw laughter and we saw them taking care of each other’s needs.”

“I don’t think where you sleep necessarily determines the longevity of a relationship,” he adds.

What are the reasons for this?

Snoring is the leading reason for sleep-related divorce, but there are other the explanation why couples may select to separate their partners. “In most cases, sleep divorce has nothing to do with sex itself and everything to do with what’s going on with people mentally outside the bedroom,” says Tarry. From trauma to different light and sound requirements, the reasons to sleep alone in a long-term relationship or marriage are varied.

Tarry suggests that it’s possible you’ll actually not be taking the right approach to sleep hygiene harm your relationship. “You will definitely have less energy for sex. You will have less energy for the other person in the relationship,” he warns. AND 2017 study found that lack of sleep contributes to increased marital arguments. “Many of us already know that when we are sleep deprived, we tend to be more anxious,” says Shané P. Teran, a psychologist and social employee.

Robinson agrees. “I feel if you happen to need to sleep apart to improve the overall sleep quality of 1 or each parties. I highly recommend it,” he says.

Short term solution vs. Constant

“Just because a couple has decided to sleep through their divorce does not imply they are not any longer sleeping together. It just signifies that they’re consciously selecting to co-sleep and understand that it is not best for us to do it every night,” says Terrell-Camper.

Some of Robinson’s patients sleep together on weekends and apart on weekdays. Teran notes that almost all sleep divorces will not be everlasting. “More often than not, it’s a temporary situation,” he says.

There are some ways to do the practice. Some couples have asymmetrical bedtimes, which Teran says still provides access to co-sleeping advantages. “If one person goes to bed earlier than the other, there is nothing wrong with that. The benefits are still visible when the other person who has been up longer still goes back to bed with her,” he says.

Tarry notes: “Some people find yourself sharing the same bed, but they do not go to sleep in the same room because possibly one partner snores or the other one gets overheated in the middle of the night and throws the covers over. and turns it off, or someone prefers the room to be a little cooler than the other room.

How to be close

While there are a lot of advantages, can a sleepless divorce be a disaster for some couples? Experts agree that the key to stopping the practice from ending in an actual divorce is communication. Terrell-Camper has seen couples try to make it non-negotiable, planning intimate dinners, talking off the phone, sending notes and occurring couch dates to keep their bond strong.

Teran recommends resting together at any time when possible. “You can stay refreshed by cuddling,” she explains. The potential advantages of cuddling, including lower blood pressure, reduced inflammation, dopamine release, and increased serotonin levels, are almost interchangeable with the advantages of co-sleeping.

Alternative methods of making intimacy are needed to prevent a sleep divorce from ruining your relationship. “Prioritize it like you do everything else on your calendar,” Tarry instructs.