Why you should stop texting your kids at school

Virginia high school teacher Joe Clement tracks text messages sent by parents to students in his economics and government class:

• “What did you get on the test?”
• “Did you get a signed tour form?”
• “Do you want chicken or hamburgers for dinner tonight?”

Clement has a request for fogeys: stop texting your kids at school.

Parents are alarmingly aware of the distractions and mental health issues related to smartphones and social media. But teachers say parents may not realize how necessary these struggles are at school.

One wrongdoer? Mom and pa whose stream of consciousness questions create an environment of constant disruption and distraction from learning. Even when schools regulate or ban cellular phone use, it’s difficult for teachers to implement it. And the constant vibration of watches and phones occupies a critical a part of the brain, no matter whether children look at them.

Just a few changes in parent behavior could make phones less of a distraction at school. Here’s what teachers and experts recommend.

Try: Stop texting your child at school

Many parents stay in contact with their child via text messages, but school is a spot where you can deal with learning and developing independence. Teachers say that in case of a change of plans or a family emergency, you can still contact your child: just contact the office.

If the message is not urgent, it could probably wait.

Think of it this fashion: “If you got here to school and said, ‘Can you take my kid out of calculus so I can tell him something irrelevant?’ we might say no,” said central Virginia school counselor Erin Rettig.

Teachers stressed: They’re not saying parents are accountable for school cellular phone fights, they’re just saying they will do more to assist. For example, tell your children to not text home unless it’s urgent. And if this happens, ignore it.

“When kids text you things that can wait, like, ‘Can I go to Brett’s house in five days?’ — don’t answer,” said Sabine Polak, one in all the three moms who were co-founders of the Phoneless Schools Movement. “You need to stop getting involved. It just fuels the problem.”

Cut the cord from 8 a.m. to three p.m

Many parents became accustomed to constant contact in the course of the Covid-19 pandemic, with children staying at home and learning online. They have maintained this communication as life otherwise returns to normal.

“We call it the digital umbilical cord. Parents can’t let go. And they have to,” Clement said.

Parents may not expect their children to answer text messages immediately (though many do). But when students pull out their phones to reply, it opens the door to other social media distractions.

Anxiety via text message

In a parenting workshop, Rettig, a school counselor in Virginia, tells parents that they contribute to their kid’s anxiety by texting, tracking their whereabouts and checking their grades each day, which does not give children the space to be independent in school.

Some teachers say they get emails from parents right after exam grades are returned, before classes end, because kids feel the necessity (or are instructed) to report grades to their parents immediately.

Dr. Libby Milkovich, developmental and behavioral pediatrician at Children’s Mercy Kansas City, asks parents to contemplate what children are missing out on by having parents available during school hours.

“By texting back and forth with a parent, the child is not able to practice self-soothing or problem-solving skills,” Milkovich said. “It’s easy to text, but if I don’t have my phone, I have to go and ask the teacher or else I have to figure it out myself.”

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Some children who oppose bans on cell phones in schools say it is useful to contact their parents after they feel anxious or nervous at school. For children with severe anxiety who’re used to texting their parents for reassurance, Milkovich suggests regularly introducing restrictions so the kid can regularly practice more independence. He encourages parents to ask themselves: why does my child need constant access to a phone?

“Parents often say, ‘I would like to find a way to contact my child at any time,’ which has nothing to do with the kid’s treatment end result. It’s because of fogeys’ anxiety,” she said.

Take that old phone away

Beth Black, a high school English teacher within the San Francisco Bay Area, advises parents to contemplate confiscating their kid’s old phones.

Her school requires students to place their phones in a special holder when entering the classroom. However, she has seen students put their old, inactive phones there and keep the one which works.

Like many teachers, he says phones aren’t the one problem. There’s also the problem of headphones.

“Forty percent of my students come into class with at least one headphone in their ears,” Black said. “Children will place their phone in the music holder and listen to music during classes in one earphone.”

Turn off notifications

Parental control over texts is not going to go very far. So work with your kids to show off some or the entire notifications that catch their attention.

To prove how distracting smartphones are, Clement conducted a classroom experiment through which he asked students to silence their phones and switch on notifications for 2 minutes.

“It sounded like an old-time video arcade – buzzing, buzzing, ringing and ringing for a good two minutes,” he said.

Many studies have shown that students regularly check their phones during class. A study last 12 months by Common Sense Media found that teenagers are bombarded with as many as 237 notifications a day. About 25% of them come in the course of the school day, mostly from friends on social media.

“Whenever our concentration is interrupted, it takes a lot of brain power and energy to get back to the task at hand,” said Emily Cherkin, a Seattle teacher-turned-consultant who focuses on screen time management.

Teachers say the perfect school cellular phone policy is one which physically removes the phone from the kid. Otherwise it’ll be difficult to compete.

“When the phone vibrates in their pocket, their attention is now on the pocket. And they wonder, “How do I get this on the table?” How to check?” said Randy Freiman, a high school chemistry teacher in upstate New York. “You ask them a question and they don’t hear a word you say. Their brains are elsewhere.”